Life with Three Little Ladies...

Thoughts on Valentine's.

2012-02-10T16:35:00.000Z

I guess you could brand me a stereo-typical 'girly' girl. I talk (A LOT), I'm distracted by anything sparkly, I'm addicted to buying shoes, I shop too much, I spend too much and I have my nearest beauty salon on speed-dial. Any guesses on my favourite colour? You'd be forgiven for thinking it's pink, but you'd also be wrong- it's red, for the record.

And girls like me, love day's like this- Valentine's day.

It's the perfect excuse to over-romanticise everything. It's a day that makes Walt Disney seem like he was telling the truth at the end of every fairy-story. It's cliche, it's over-commercialised, it's expensive, but I forgive all those errors for the sake of a whole day committed to celebrating romance and love. (And getting my love tank refilled with words- cards,emails,texts and actual notes all count!)

Not lust. L-O-V-E.

Just this morning, I tweeted a reminder (to myself, more than anyone) that 'Above all else, guard your heart.' And, I was so stoked that my phone beeped for hours with verse of encouragement and perils of wisdom on how to do so- being careful who and what gets airtime there, not living by feelings but by faith etc. More often that not though, we forget to, especially if you're known for 'wearing your heart on your sleeve' like yours truly. Doesn't sound guarded in the slightest, in fact, it's in full-view of any opportunist or pick-pocket near-by. And yet, at least if it's on your sleeve, it's always to hand.

Jimi Hendrix said - 'When the power of love overtakes the love of power, the world will know true peace.'

What harm could a little more love do?

But, thinking on this theme all day has prompted me to really reflect on why, we as women, especially, love the idea of love. Why do we need the chase? Why do we need the words, the flattery, the courtship? And the only thing I can come up with is that it validates us.

Sometimes, I've had arguments in my head with Tim, because he's not done something I've expected him to do. Sometimes, I voice those things to him, and the poor guy is astounded. You know why? Because, I'd elevated him above where he should be, I wanted him to fill up the spaces in my heart, and he simply could not do it in the way that I needed. There's a reason for this- no matter how much of an awesome husband you have, he makes a rubbish god. He's only human, and so are you! The two of you are broken, imperfect people in on this thing, called life, together.

So, I found a resolve. On the days when I feel a little more fragile than others, I need to spend more time with the one who IS love. If I take all my empty places to Him right away, He is faithful to fill them. Every, single, time. And anything else, I receive on top of that, is just a bonus.

'We love because He first loved us.'
1 John 4:19

Dresses

2012-02-08T20:05:00.001Z

I've spent most of the afternoon drinking copious amounts of coffee and perusing various online stores in the hopes of finding a be-a-you-ti-ful dress for my sister-in-law's wedding, that is only 6weeks away.

Wow. Typing that made me instantly regret the carbs I ate for dinner tonight. Six weeks is not long, people! I have far too many vices- white bread, pasta, sugar, carbonated drinks. Nat needs to get a hold of herself and realise that breaking up with these things for six little weeks is not really that bigger deal. Except, of course that it is, if she doesn't wake up with an iced diet coke, Nat is not too chipper to be around.

(And apparently, I feel the need to talk about myself in the third person in relation to food?)

Anywho, I digress, I saw a dress a few weeks back that was a cobalt blue satin, one shoulder, shift dress, and I pretty much fell in love with it. But, do you think I can find it again? That would be no! So the frantic search continues. If you kinda know the one I mean, feel free to leave me a comment!

But, look at what I found instead!!

In case you cant tell, the sleeves are grecian flared AND it's snake print. I pretty much need it.

But, I'm super impressed at my self control, because I ignored its lures to buy it, because of my commitment to the task in hand.

Because, that's the kind of girl I am.

Now, onto another important matter, does one wear skinnies or boyfriend jeans ice skating...?

A character

2012-02-06T16:20:00.003Z

I've just come back from one of the little strolls that me and Scarlette venture out on most afternoons. We pass a quintessentially brittish little pub every time. It's so quaint and well hidden and the locals are friendly. Each time we pass by, we see an old guy outside, come rain or shine, savouring his glass of wine. Today, it's freezing cold, but he's still there, looking into his glass and swirling the contents. He's wearing a caramel coloured coat, boots and fingerless gloves. I'm fond of him, he looks as though he could spout off Shakespeare's sonnets at any given moment. But though he looks like an old English scholar, he is clearly into small talk. He enquires about how Scarlette's sleeping now and hen tells me that 'most people drink red wine in the winter as they think it's warming. I like to match my wine to the weather. A crisp chardonnay for an icy day.'

He is quite the character. In the summer he wears socks and sandals (I'm trying to earn the right to guide him on this) and he swirls red wine and tells anyone who will listen about the oak undertones, but today, as his breath hung in the air and the canal was rendered still by the ice, he put his glass down to talk. This is his life. He's old and very obviously retired, wonder what his story is? I'm pretty sure, he'd tell me if I asked. He reminds me of the sweet old guy from the movie- 'The Holiday' his character isn't the leading man, but he subtly charms your heart regardless.

It's the little things though- he brightens my day... the wine man.

Nat: The soundtrack

2012-02-06T16:02:00.000Z

It's 2.30am, Scarlette wants to snuggle instead of sleep, and I'm happy to let her. I'll probably regret being up this late tomorrow though. Anyway, the twitterverse is well quiet tonight, so a fun meme is the only way to go!

If my life was a film, this would be the soundtrack...

Opening credits: Steven curtis chapman Live out loud

'Wake the neighbours, get the word out, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout. This is life we've been giving, needs to be lived out.'

Waking up: Maroon 5 - never gonna leave this bed

'wake you up in the middle of the night to say, I'm never gonna walk away.'

First date: Blink182 first date

'In the car, I just cant wait, to pick you up on our very first date. Is it cool if I hold your hand?'

Falling in love: Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
"I won't hesitate no more, no more, It cannot wait, I'm Yours."

Forming relationship: Taylor Swift - you belong with me

'Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans, I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself, hey isn't this easy'

Love scene: Kiss me Ed Sheeran

"Your heart's against my chest, lips pressed to me neck, I'm falling for your eyes but they don't know me yet."

Argument scene: Beyonce- best thing I never had

'I wanted you bad, I'm so over it. 'Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had.'

Breaking up: Mr Big - To be with you
"Stand up little girl a broken heart can't be that bad, when its through its through fate will twist the both of you..."

Getting back together: Maroon 5 - She will be loved
"I know where you hide alone in your car, know all of the things that make you who you are, I know that good bye means nothing at all, comes back and makes me catch her everytime she falls..."

Secret love: Owl city- Saltwater room

'Time together isn't ever quite enough, when you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home.'

Life's okay: Nate Sallie - Inside out

'No matter what the clothes you wear or how you do your hair, no matter what you try to change, you'll always be the same.'

Life sucks: Mercyme Bring the rain

"I could count a thousand times people asking me how I could praise you after all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me, could circumstances possibly change who I forever am in you?"

Behaving badly: Maroon 5 until you're over me

'Oh I cannot refuse your eyes, please don't look at me tonight.'

Driving: The Cars- Drive
"We can't go on thinking nothing's wrong. Who's gonna drive you home tonight?"

Learning a lesson: Hillsong- Inside out

"A thousand times I fail, still your mercy reamins, should I stumble again, still I'm caught in your grace."

Deep thought: Ed Sheeran- Lego house

'three words have two meanings, but there's one thing on my mind. It's all for you'

Flashback: The Saturdays Issues

'I keep saying yes when my mind's saying no.'

Partying: Artic monkeys

"I said, Hey I bet that you look good on the dancefloor."

Happy dance: Tain- Hey Soul Sister

"Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do, tonight.'

Regretting: Adele- Someone like you

'Old friend, why are you so shy? Aint like you to hold back or hide from the lie'

Saying sorry: Coldplay - The scientist.
"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are, I had to find you, tell you I need you..."

Death of a friend: Toto - Bottom of your soul
"Why is it always the oens that we love are the ones that will never come home?"

Long night alone: Lady Antebellum - Need you now

'And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time. It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.'

Closing credits: Lucky- Jason Mraz

'You make it easier when life gets hard."

A Red Shoe Day

2012-01-28T11:59:00.000Z

So the alarm goes off, or the baby starts to stir, I poke one foot out of the duvet to check how cold it is. Turns out, it's pretty chilly, even though I've had about three hours sleep, it feels like I've barely been napping for three minutes. Before my eyes are properly open, there's a hundred thoughts whirling around my head. This state of almost consciousness is where most of my profound thinking occurs, for some reason, I get most inspired really late at night or really early in the morning. It's also when I replay moments to make sense of them or to etch them into my memory further. Today though, I did neither. Today, my neck hurt from sleeping awkwardly and the room was so cold it jolted me awake rather abruptly. Before I even got out of bed, I deemed today a red shoe day.

When I bought my very first pair of red stilettos, I created 'red shoe days'. It is impossible for me to wear red shoes and not smile. When I look down at my feet, the red just looks happy. I like that. So whenever I woke on a grey, rainy day or woke up feeling less than chipper, I put on my red shoes and tried to have a good day despite what I was or wasn't feeling. The red shoes symbolised a choice- today WILL be a good day.

Five years later, and 'red shoe days' happen less frequently, but when they do, they remind me that every day, we wake with a choice- we can succumb to feelings or circumstances, or we can choose to have a good day in spite of it all. Every day holds opportunities, and opportunities pave the way for miracles and blessing. 'this is the day the Lord has made' and He is infinitely good, everything he makes is good.

Today is a good day.

We serve a good God.

Another unexpected lesson

2012-01-25T22:46:00.002Z

Every time there's a new baby around our home, certain things seem to slide, my laundry mounts up way quicker than before, I don't always get time to 3 step cleanse my face before bed, I don't always get up before the children for a quiet time and a hot coffee. They are all things which I'm pretty sure would make my life easier if I could just get over choosing the extra time in bed and get a handle on them, but I continue to let them slide until I'm stressed out.

The skincare one drives me craziest if I'm honest. This is a girl who used to close her pores with evian water at night when in high school (crazy huh? But it must have worked, I hardly ever got breakouts!) to someone who has forgotten to remove last night's mascara on more than one occasion. I know, I hardly recognise myself sometimes...ha.

Thinking about this though got me thinking about life, and how bogged down we can get by it if we let our 'beauty routine' slide. If you skip the cleansing part of a facial and head straight to moisturising, you will most certainly push particles of grime into your pores. It will lay dormant for some time and then, probably when you have a big meeting or date scheduled, boom! You get a massive spot that is so big it should probably get its own name. The same is true in our journey of faith, our day to day lives. If we skip cleansing, in the form of confessing with our mouths the truths of God, it will allow for all sorts of dirt and 'stuff' to 'cling' to us, weighing us down, clouding our vision and making us restless. If we want to remain beautiful from the inside out, we need to get a handle on the routine! If we just gloss over everything with moisturiser, making it seem as though we have it all together, making our facade perfect, but really we're falling apart inside, what good is that to anybody?

I got a facial last summer, and I was totally looking forward to having half hour to just be quiet and lay there thinking about nothing, naturally that meant I wound up getting like THE most chattiest therapist I've ever known. She told me though that after a deep cleansing, the skin actually becomes a little transparent, and that is what makes you appear to 'glow' once the treatment is over. I'm pretty sure that this is another parallel, if we live lives of transparency, if we allow ourselves just to have the right amount of vulnerability, surely we'd appear to look different. A life that is real but is changed, is a much better testimony to our faith than a life that tries to look like it has it all together, right? We're just imperfect people, loving a perfect and compassionate God.

Back to the clinique counter for me then...

A belated, happy new year!

2012-01-13T22:46:00.000Z

This is a little, ok, a lot, late in January I know, but I saw this on Amanda's blog and thought it was fun, so here goes...

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Worked on an actual book with a very well-known, very talented author.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year, I wanted to take more photos. The trusty iphone has helped me enormously in this area, so yeah I did pretty good. I generally don't make resolutions, as I can pretty much start over whenever I go to the cross!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, not yet! Waiting for the phonecall at any-time now, so stoked I'll hopefully be at the birth of my sweet friend's baby girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank the Lord, last year was pretty trauma free!

5. What countries did you visit?
England...to shop!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
muscle tone in my abs...pregnancy will do that to you though.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 17th: Our 5 year wedding anniversary. No. Mean. Feat. haha I'm proud of us!
September 19th : I gave birth to our 3rd little princess

8. What was your biggest achievement for the year?
Having an amazing text-book birth that was serene and everything I prayed for- no ambulances, no freaking out about delivering in a lay-by, no trip to theatre, no stitches and physio. And, of course, a beautiful and healthy baby girl.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting people get to me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
We had some serious stomach flu at one point, but it passed pretty quickly (once we'd all had it!)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Dry shampoo. Well, actually it was the best AND worst thing I bought. It was awesome having a newborn and getting to have great hair too, but I've banned myself from buying it now, since I realised it had been four days (FOUR DAYS people!) since I washed my hair with actual water and shampoo. I had a word with myself and went cold turkey. Not gonna lie, it was tough, but we're over the worst!

12. Where did most of your money go?
disposable income, yeah? Probably on eyelash extensions... I know, I feel bad even typing it. True though, but they do ease my hang ups, and you can't put a price on confidence...can you? :-s

13. What did you get really excited about?
The stuff God is getting upto in our church, our communities, our country. It's only just beginning and it's blowing my mind.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Shane and shane- Jesus is the one you need. We've sung it a billion times to get Scarlette to sleep, I'm pretty sure my notes ain't perfect at 3am, but she seems to like it anyway.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder?
Happier!

-Thinner or fatter?
hmm well this time last year, I was newly pregnant, so I was in pretty good condition, but, I will very soon be thinner. I will... Maybe.

-Richer or poorer?
Same.

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Praying.

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Over analysing and over-thinking.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas morning, we got up and put baby Jesus in the manger of our nativity scene. The girls sang Happy birthday to Him, and then we opened some gifts. We put christmas dresses on and went to squeeze the necks of our beautiful church family at the Christmas service. (It was one of my favourite parts of the day) We came home and Tim cooked the Christmas feast, yes I let my ocd tendencies about the roast potatoes slide and it was actually pretty good, (probably because I rock at making gravy.) Then we visited my mam and Dad to exchange gifts, and we all got super spoilt. We stayed for Tea and then came home to cozy down in our little house. There was much laughter, loads of gifts and so much love.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Well, at risk of this making me sound about 70, I really loved watching 'the great brittish bake off', and also 'The big bang theory'- it's so geeky it cracks me up. Everytime.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
'Meet Mrs. Smith' (fantastic title!), '1000 gifts' and 'authentic Christianity'.

21. What was your favorite music this year?
Ed Sheeran, Micheal Buble, ShaneandShane and Casting Crowns

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Fast and Furious5, Couples retreat

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 23 in June, we went out to dinner in a low-key local restaurant, just me and my man. Lush!

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Talking less and listening more.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Well, for the first few months of 2011, I practically lived in skinny jeans, then I had to do the whole maternity clothes thing so it was all pretty casual- white linens were my favourite things ever.

26. What kept you sane?
Coffee. People who loved me. Laughing. Jesus. Shopping. Music.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I learned that if you expect too much from people, you will almost always end up disappointed. Don't look around, Look up!

When I grow up...

2012-01-02T23:01:00.003Z

Three little girls have done some growing these past few weeks...
Courtney has gotten a lot sassier and clothes-savvy, Cilin has found some grwon up phrases that she uses at lesiure - 'That is a GREAT idea mammy!' 'Courts you really need to take turns!' And Scarlette likes to chill out in her bebe pod and hold her head up!We've had some pretty cute converstions with the girls lately too about 'growing up' and what they want to be.

Courtney wants to:
- win x-factor We asked her what she was going to perform and she said 'the snowflake song from whoops-a-daisy-angel of course!' Well, of course! She also said she would win everybody else because she 'is going to dance AND sing!'
-be in a catalogueNo idea where she got this one.
- marry Daddy So she can live here 'forever'

Caitlin wants to:
-be like Angelina ballerinaShe twirls every single time we put a dress on her, to see if it's a 'good' dress. If it comes up when she turns around and round, she nods and says that it is.

When I was little, my list looked something like this:
- mammy and wife
- nurse
-actress
-princess

then it changed to this:
-mammy and wife
- fashion journalist
-lawyer
-writer
-princess
- actress
-cupcake boutique owner

I've scored the top spot and now I'm excited to see how the rest unravels... wonder what I will be when I grow up...What did you always want to be?

Scarlette's 1st christmas

2011-12-23T20:03:00.000Z

It's christmas eve eve, and before things get too hectic and fun, thought I'd stop by to show you how much Scarlette LOVES christmas already!

Happy 1st Christmas beautiful baby scarlette!

The lie we all believe (part 1)

2011-12-11T19:29:00.001Z

This post has been brewing for a long time. I did research, I tried to chronologically order it, I tried to scientise it. But ultimately, I can do nothing but write what I know to be true. Experience- it counts for a whole lot more than textbooks ever can.And it is that, that I base this upon.As girls, we are conditioned to be consciously aware of who we are, what we look like, how we walk, talk and act. As little girls, we watch fairy tales depicting beautiful princesses, as tweens we conform to what our friends think is 'cool' and then slowly (and sometimes awkwardly) but surely come into our own as a teeneager. Along the way we hit a few obstacles, and at the time we bat it off, deflecting it with something else. It's sometimes not until much later on that the damage can be detected.

Personally, I only remember trying to conform strongly on a handful of occassions, all when I was about eight years old. There was a non-uniform day in school coming up, and I begged and pleaded with my parents to buy me something new to wear from 'Tammy girl' (man, I feel old even just saying that, that store died out like how many years ago?!) It was THE place to shop for all the coolest little girl attire. Actually looking back, it wasnt little girl worthy at all, even then, the hurry to make children grow up quicker than they should've was pretty evident. My folks eventually caved after many a tantrum, even though I'm pretty sure money wasn't going spare.I picked out a lilac plaid skirt that had pleats on the back but a smooth front. It was kinda short, even by my standards. But I was insistent, it would after all go with SO many colours- white,pink,purple, and I had a top I could match with it at home anyway. I got up early the day of non-uniform and put it on with white opaque tights and black patent shoes, I was pretty sure I looked cute and was major crushing on a certain boy at the time. I'm guessing I walked to school a little sassier that day, and sure enough when I got to the playground, the boy was there. I walked past and instead of telling me how nice I looked, he said flatly ' This is school, not a fashion show, Nat!' Talk about bursting bubbles! I took it as a backhanded compliment that I looked far too good for school at the time. But only now does it cause me to sometimes stop and think.You see, that- along with a handful of instances from my school days, caused me to ignore conforming as much as I could. There were certain things I still followed my friends with- boybands, expensive trainers, and parties at good locations, but dress-wise, I decided pretty early on that even when you tried to impress you rarely did, so dress however you feel confident. That lilac skirt made it to many more non-uniform days and dances not becasue it got me street cred, but becasue I genuinely fell in love with it at the store.

I digress. Getting back to the lie we all believe- insecurity, in all of its guises, is rooted in fear. And the very word fear spells out it's meaning- False Evidence Appearing Real. That's what it is. Lies. When we actually sit and think about our insecurities, they boil down to our innermost fears. Rationally, what's the worst that could happen if all of a sudden we're not pretty/thin/smart enough? What are we gonna lose if we can't compete with others talents/finance/perfect facade? Probably nothing. The people that love us, who we hold in the highest esteem are not gonna love us any less for loss of those things. They're not. Because love isn't based on appearance, materialistic objects or degrees! Love defies science becasue psychology dictates that we are drawn to people most like us, and I am proof thats simply not always true.

I used to have a strict list of what 'cut it' for boyfriend material- tall, dark haired, blue eyed, could sing, was funny, didn't smoke and was highly popular. You know who I ended up with? Somebody only an inch taller than I (with out heels) who was ginger, and smoked! And you know what, eight years later with Mr. Smith, I can't imagine things being more perfect. It must be a divine love story, because even with mr tall, dark and popular, even I couldn't have written our life so far (hiccups and all) any better if I had tried. No, I'm not saying what we have is perfect, but it's real and it's ours.And yet, the fear still gets me sometimes. All of a sudden it will hit me that I'm actually pretty old and boring. Mostly when it's 8pm and I'm sat on the sofa wearing slippers and watching the great brittish bake off. Shouldn't I be sparkier? Shouldn't we be doing something fun, I'm sure other 23 year olds are much more fun than me, right? Wrong. What about my ability to dance the night away completely sobre on the occassions we do get to go out? What about the ability to make people smile at the quirky things I say. It totally counts for something. Yet, I will still believe the lie that I'm old before my time. When what I really should be saying is that I'm responsible and it's about time. I have bills, I have a full family calender, I have three children and a husband. In fact, I have the things most little girls dream of having when they 'grow up'...(to be continued...)

The Birth Story : volume three part 1

2011-11-25T22:25:00.001Z

September 16th 2001, a date we had marked in our diaries since January. It was our third daughter's due date. Of course, it came and went without significance- only a small percentage of babies actually arrive on their due dates, and baby Smith did not wanna be a small statistic. ;) I was actually a bit shocked becasue she had given us LOTS of signs that she would appear early, the little tease!The next morning was a saturday, and we took the girls to watch 'cars 2' at the movies. I was cramping pretty bad, but I wanted to soak up as much time as I could as a famliy of four before our sweet baby girl arrived. So I sat through the movie, slurping a slushie and not eating popcorn- I was off food and kept needing to leave the film to use the toilet, I gave Tim a few knowing glances, but we decided to finish watching the movie. I was pretty uncomfortable but not really in any pain. We got a Mcdonald's for lunch and came home to relax until Tim left for church that night. Other than a few sparodic contractions, nothing major was going down, so we went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning I was feeling icky and VERY tired. We stayed home from church and I pottered around the house checking the hospital bag and folding baby laundry. Again I'd had a few twinges but nothing to write home about. That evening, we decided to have an in-house date night, Tim drove to KFC and got us some chicken and I picked out 'He's just not that into you.' to watch. I was having mild contractions about every 40minutes so I watched the entire movie sat astride a dining chair, whilst Tim sprawled out on the soft sofa. I was however quite proud that I managed to anihalate an entire 'boneless banquet for one' while Tim was defeated by his 'big daddy box meal'. I remember feeling preety smug that I could multi-task BIG style timing contractions, eating and remembering to breathe. I know, what can I say, it's a talent! We chatted through the movie and it might or might not have been pointed out that Scarlett Johansen is a bit of a babe, whilst I looked like a small whale, but anywho, that is irrelevant, kinda.

We went to bed after the movie and I told Tim to go to sleep quicksharp as I 'really think this is it.'Cue a nasty contraction jolting me awake at 3am. I didn't even wait for the nexxt one to come, I woke Tim and told him to get dressed. We called my parents to come sit with the girls, and gathered up our bags to head to the hospital. You will be pleased to know I put on some highlighter and blush before leaving.

Tim got us to labour and delivery in 13 minutes, I'm sure the irratic driving possibly strengthened my contractions. Anyway, I got hooked upto a FH monitor and my contractions were hurting but I just KNEW worse was to come! None the less, my heart sank when the nurse said i wasn't dilating AT ALL. I point blank refused to go home after nearly delivering Caitlin on the ambulance steps after a three hour labour previously, and the midwife agreed, so said to walk the corridors to hopefully get things moving and come back to be checked in four hours.

We walked around for about an hour, then it got pretty bad. Tim took a ten minute nap whilt I gripped the back of a waiting room chair and glared at him. He woke up when I started talking to him that 'Ok, I am SO in laour!!' We still had a few hours left before our time was up, so we sat in the car, it was still dark and I told Tim to try and get some sleep whilst I leant over the passenger seat biting the headrest. We were listening to a worship CD and at one point through a VERY intense contraction that was lasting a sweet forever, I saw a blinding white light appear out of nowhere, I was sure it was an angel come to appease all of the pain, but as the contraction ended and I sat upright, it turned out to just be the headlights of a tall 4x4. I giggled and told Tim what had happened. I think I was probably getting delerious.Tim decided enough was enough, and I cried as we walked back to the delivery suite- a culmination of nerves, excitement and exhaustion, but I knew I had work to do, so we went and found the nurse.

We were happy to hear her say I was nearly 5cm and ready to be moved to a delivery room. As I walked the hall to our room, I didn't get one contraction, and I had a split second thought of 'oh no, it might've just stopped. I SO don't wanna go back home.' But as I lay on the bed it hit me that this was really happening. I got my IV antibiotics for strep Bput in and then a wave of searing pain rendered me mute. The midwife said 'Are you always this quiet and serene when you labour?' I was glad she wasn't present at my first labour, I'm pretty sure I was the opposite of serene!

She got a canister of entinox but as I twirled my toes to distract from the pain and focused on a spot on the ceiling, I reisisted it until a further examination 90 minutes later. I was 7cm effaced and she asked to break my waters, I told her to go for it, and that was when I sucked the life outta the entinox mouthpiece. The midwife went out to grab a sandwich and no longer than a minute after she left I said 'You better call her back NOW.' She came back in, took one look at me and called for assistance. It was time to meet our baby! I'd gone from 7-10cm in just two contractions.I remember going into transition and crying about not wanting to go to theatre after delivery, Tim was amaazing and stroked my hair and held my shoulders whilst calming me down. I snapped out of it and focused, a few minutes of pushing and the midwife stopped talking and started whispering numers to her colleague. There was an authorative tone to her voice when she looked me square in the eye and said 'Nat. do NOT push. This is VERY important.' Tim knew what was going on and I had some idea, but couldn't speak for fear of moving. The cord was wrapped around her neck twice over.

A quick maneouver by our awesome midwife meant that we went on the safely deliver our beautiful daughter. She was taken straight to a resucitation table and it took her forever (at least a minute) to make her first cry. That was the longest minute ever. Our room was silent, neither of us blinked, we just stared at the peadiatrition, who then turned around and handed me a screaming baby girl. We loved her instantly, we'd loved her from the start. We hadn't decided on a name and so her identitity bracelets read 'Female infant of Natalie smith: baby smith.'

Holidays are comin'

2011-11-25T22:08:00.001Z

The excitement is building at the smith household. We are currently in the throes of rehearsing lines for christmas concerts, finding costumes, gift shopping, making Christmas countdowns, talking about advent, feeling tahnnkful, and being mindful of the massive real deal that Christmas is all about.As my heart swells with love, that is hard to describe, as I look on at my three beautiful children- two of which are rosied-cheeks amid masses of legos and sticklebricks, I can't help but think how quickly the time passes. My newborn is already 9weeks old, and as I talk over pregnancy with two of my closest friends and a sister-in-law, I can barely believe that labour was nearly three months ago! All that to say, that my hormones are still pretty poignant. I want to cry in grattitude as I hear my three year old tell her big sister that she loves her and that she's beautiful. My cup overflows.And every time we reach the end of November, I picture Mary. As I'm counting down the days left before I can decorate the house, I think of how she was probably counting down her pregnancy- a month left, then three weeks, now two weeks...the baby will be here soon! How nervous, excited and possibly hormonal she would've felt- What would he look like? Where will I labour? Everytime my baby girl looks into my face and smiles her big gummy smile, I want to squeal about how beautiful she is, how I can't believe she's finally here and how proud and blessed I am to be her mommy. What did I ever do to get to parent such precious little hearts? It blows my mind.And I reckon it would've blown hers too...'But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.'Luke 2:19

You might have a newborn if...

2011-11-21T00:56:00.000Z

- you drink so much caffeine it could easily be classed as a main food group...
- it takes you two hours or so to get ready to go to the post office. Each shopping trip is also a major expedition...
-because of said expedition tendencies, you end up shaving your legs using baby shampoo because you're all out of gel or body cream wash. (it works really well by the way)...
- you use dry shampoo for like three days straight then have a word with yourself because, hello? You really need to you know, actually wash your hair at some point....
- you talk incessantly about having broken sleep, yet when your baby finally manages about six hours you wake with a jolt wondering what could be wrong instead of enjoying the rest...
- you type blogposts like this at 1am, on your iPhone, using one hand whilst you nurse your little one for the fifth time in the past hour...

2011-11-14T15:46:00.001Z

I like to make lists of things- things to buy, things to do, admin that NEEDS to get done, things that I can't afford to buy etc, you get the point. Well last night, I wrote a list of things to get done that would make my week a little easier- change the bed linen, do the ironing, clean the stove (thank you husband for promptly getting this off my list and onto his!) update the blog/write the birth story, reply to some emails, mail out birth announcements (yes I know I am VERY late doing this but shhh!) so I got about half way through my list and came to the blog point. Except that I have 90 minutes before I have to leave the house AGAiN and in that time I have to make dinner, express and bathe a child or two! So, instead of the birth story, you get me rambling like this. I know, I bet you're glad you clicked on over here, right? In other news, I'm making great headway with the Christmas gift shopping, and two weeks today I will be shipping with mam at girls weekend '11. I am trés excited about it all! Okay, better go before dinner boils onto the clean stove! Have a good week folks!

Random

2011-10-21T18:02:00.000+01:00

Okay my last post was a bit heavy and I'm feeling like my bloggy-presence needs something lighter.So, thought I'd come up with some awesome wit for your viewing pleasure, but unfortunately I am still sleep deprived so you lucky lot get lists like this:- when I got my iPhone updated, I got some new ringtones. I wanted one direction (shh. Don't judge me!) but my brother, yes, my BROTHER, got it before me. So instead I got the tangled opening song. Everytime my phone rings I can't decide whether to dance and sing, or you know, actually answer the call.- scarlette is a month old and I've still not sent out her birth announcement cards...- I got eyelash extensions today and when the therapist said she'd not seen me in ages I told her I 'cheated on beauty with babies' since I couldn't keep up with the expense. She about lost it and cracked up laughing.- This weekend, our church will be opening the new family centre, baptising 40 people and seeing Bill Wilson ministries, New York, I am a tad excited about it all. - I've drained every drop of caffeine in the house. Coffee? All gone. Coke? Yep that too. Chocolate? Silly question.- I'm hitting a quarter-life crisis, because I literally feel like I NEED to go dancing, or sing at the karaoke bar, with some girls, right now.- scarlette is completely beautiful and 'thriving'. She has grown out of her 'first size' outfits, it's all a bit bittersweet.- Wales lost the rugby AGAIN :(- the pre-pregnancy jeans actually fit again. So to celebrate, I bought a new pair.- Courtney and Caitlin adore the Disney princesses, especially rapunzal and Belle. The films are played over and over. Obsessive would be an understatement :)- it is actually feeling cold now. Last night I had the fire on, my snuggie out and crozied up. Nat was happy.Okay if you got this far, well done!! Back with a proper post soon!

My God is gretaer.....

2011-10-08T21:47:00.000+01:00

I've been struggling with something this past week. I've wrestled with whether or not to tell it, even to Tim. It would seem I have pride issues amongst the other things I have faced, but I read THIS post by Amanda, and got brave. Unfortunately I obviously let my guard down and became oblivious to the devices the enemy uses which I am usually so aware of. I actually vaguely remember going through the same thing about 4years ago, a few weeks post-partum after having Courtney, so at first I acclaimed it all to hormone imblanace. It sounded perfectly rational, after all, my body has been through a lot of changes. Then I realised that was another one of his cover ups- another lie mustered up to blind me of what he was sscheming up. The lies come in various guises, namely that I could do all this better by myself-doing things MY way, which of course is just plain ridiculous- how I even function on less than 4hours sleep each night, let alone look after three children is nothing short of a miracle in itself! But also that I don't make the cut, that I'm not good enough, that I am alone in all of this. I should know better than to let these things into my head, but lies are hard to decipher when at times they feel like the truth. The only way I can describe it really is by how I visioned it. Imagine an entire display of designer shoes in front of you. Each shoe is your size and they are all current season. Then imagine, that the sales assistant tells you that some are genuine desginer labels and some are incrediby good copies. To you, they all look splendid. You pick a pair you believe to be louboutins, you put them on and they feel 'right', then you walk outta the store and as soon as the 4inch stiletto heels clicks against the pavement, you realise you've been fooled. Instead of a solid click, it sounds hollow, you look down to check it out and sure enough, the heel has cracked. On closer inspection you also realise they aren't geuine italian leather. And come to think of it, that tell-tale red sole is the wrong shade of red... See, by the time you realise that you've been fooled in believing a lie, it has already had an impact on you, and is hard to break free from. Even whilst I started typing this, I had to stop because of a physical pressure on the top of my head, like someone was actually behind me forcing my head down. It didn't go until I prayed that 'in all things we are MORE than conquerors.' Maybe it was because I decided to tell on him and pull the plug on this funk I've been in- the cloud I've been under. In a way I'm encouraged, all of this can only mean one thing- God must be upto something big. Really big. Even when thinking that though, I'm led straight to thinking, 'but why? There are people far more of a threat to the kingdom of darkness than me shaping the hearts of three little girls, or writing a few blogs here or there.' That's all I do. Maybe it's because Tim is spending more time at church, delving deeper into the word. But that still doesn't explain why each Saturday when Tim is at church, I get engulfed in a thick black smog that physically leaves me drained. And yet, I know that this will pass, that the word is the sword I need to pick up in this battle, whether it is against the spiritual realsm or whether it is against my own pride and insecurities, there's no other way to conquer than through Him. 'But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the LORD's victory.' - 2 Chronicles 20:17 So that is just what I'm gonna do. Take my position, keep my head watching Him and revel in the fact I'm already on the winning side.

Scarlette Grace

2011-10-07T22:09:00.001+01:00

Okay, I've been checking my stats the past few days, and the only reason possible for the amount of hits there's been when I've not updated, is the fact that I promised pictures of our newest daughter, Scarlette Grace, (8lb 6oz) who joined our family on September 19th at 11.51am. I had a great labour- pretty much free of any major dramas (like blue lights, numerous canisters of entinox or trips to theatre!) and without interventions. It was more perfect than I could've planned it myself, which is pretty much how our awesome God works! He is able to do immeasurably more all than we ask or imagine, and that is just what He did for us. My recovery was so much easier and quicker than the previous twice I'd delivered and though I'd forgotten what sleep deprivation was like, I feel amazing! Now there's just the small matter of re-toning my stomach muscles... Anyways, enough of my rambling, here's what you really came here to see...

Thank you to all our amazing friends and family, who have showered us wth generous gifts, beatiful cards, words of encouragement, hot meals and gift cards. We're so blessed by each and every gesture, prayer and kind word. And thank you to those of you who have visited us and been gracious enough to ignore the chaotic mix of toys scattered on the floor, children's dvds on the tv and forgiving me when I've forgotten to make coffee! I'll update properly sometime soon, I promise! Thanks for checking in on us!

Safe arrival of baby Scarlette...and a meme

2011-09-28T23:15:00.001+01:00

Okay, so beautiful baby Scarlette entered the world at 11.51am on the 19th September. She is perfect and lovely, and we have fallen in love all over again. I promise I'll fill you in on the birth story really soon but sleep deprivation has hit me hard and coherent sentences do not come so easy right now. So rather than leave the blogosphere silent and nap (like I REALLY should!) I've copied this fun ABC meme from Jen's blog...A. Age: 23B. Bed size: double. Our master bedroom is still too little for anything bigger. It's more cozy chic than magnificent boudoir...C. Chore that you hate: cleaning mirrors and windows. No matter which product or cloth I use, I cannot get a smudge-free finish. Clearly I am lacking in this area of domesticity.D. Dogs: nope. No canines here.E. Essential start to your day: Caffeine! And hugs from Tim. And little girl smiles.F. Favorite color: red. Passionate, warm and bright! Love it!G. Gold or Silver: White gold. Yellow gold is not a good look for me, it makes me look jaundiced.H. Height: umm I don't actually know! I. Instruments you play: flute, alto saxophone, drumsJ. Job title: stay at home mammy/homemakerK. Kids: 3 gorgeous little girls- Courtney 4, Caitlin 3 and Scarlette 8days!L. Live: Wales! M. Mother’s maiden name: crumb!N. Nicknames: Nat, Nats, Natsy, smiffy, smithsta, Ally, Natters, Jonesey (Kara, we need to adapt this at some point doll!)O. Overnight hospital stays: a week after having courts, a night after Caits, four nights after ScarletteP. Pet peeves: People biting their nails. Yuck. Q. Quote from a movie: R. Right or left handed: Right handed.S. Siblings: Two brothers- one older, one younger. Both awesome. Ooo and a sister-in-law too.U. Ultimate Vacation: US of A!V. Vegetable you hate: leeksW. What makes you run late: finding out a certain little girl has had my lipgloss/eyeliner/cheekstain and having to hunt it down to complete the make up ritual.X. X-Rays you’ve had: Wrist and hand. I fell off my red stilettos after church finished four years ago. Pride made me act normal like I was ok. Pain made me spend ALL night at A and E at the hospital.Y. Yummy food that you make: chicken and bacon pie, red Thai curry, pork in cider. Though my fruit scones, cupcakes and cookies are not entirely inedible ;)Z. Zoo animal: penguins, love how they're always looking so dapper!

Maternity shoot

2011-09-06T21:52:00.001+01:00

A few weeks back, my good friend Elise, at Imagine That Studios did a maternity shoot for me. I've always wanted a professional shot to capture the beautiful miracle that is pregnancy! The photos are still being worked on, but today I got a sneak peek at how they turned out... To say I love them is just too much of an understatement. Elise really captured the joy and anticipation of this special time!

Tonight's bedtime prayers

2011-09-03T19:49:00.001+01:00

Caitlin:'Dear Jesus,Shank you a Emmy a shank you a uckle Pete.Ahhhh-meh!'Courtney:'Dear Jesus,Thank you for daddy and mammy and caity, please make mammy feel better really fast.'Amen!'Once she'd finished she looked me straight on and said 'so don't worry mummy, you'll be better tomorrow, because I asked Jesus, and he ALWAYS answers MY prayers doesn't he! And because Jesus is in my heart, He always knows my prayers and then says 'ok Courtney I will do that!'"Oh my goodness, be still my heart. Childlike faith is THE best. These moments are nectar to a mama's heart!

It's nearly time.

2011-09-03T11:52:00.005+01:00

I thought I should probably check in and update, since the imminent arrival of baby boo, could mean I won't get chance to blog for a while! We're at 38 weeks now, and baby is doing great, we had to get a growth scan done to check a few things out, but God was gracious to look after us, and everything seems great. Here's a profile of how baby boo looked at our last scan...

She is proving to be a very active little lady, and I just love feeling her kicks, punches, hiccups and everything in between. Pregnancy really is such an awesome time, I'm sure gonna miss my lovely bump when she is here with us! But the blow will be cushioned by our adorable new addition. Seriously, do you see how cute she is, even on ultrasound!

So baby is doing great, but I am feeling more than a little rubbish right about now-not because I'm the size of a small whale( which I am by the way!) or because of my swollen feet that don't fit into any stilettos, but because I've come down with bronchitis and strep! :( The doctor has given me a hard course of antibiotics to see if it will help, but the constant coughing has nade me ache all over, so I really need this to shift before I labour! Plus, with all the hacking up phlegm and stuff, I'm pretty sure I'm irrisistable to Tim right now.

In other news, three weeks ago, my awesome girls at church threw a surprise baby shower in honour of me and baby boo. We were so, SO blessed by everybody's generosity and they way we have been loved on during this exciting time. Plus, everything at the shower was just beyond cute, from cupcakes to nappy cakes, we were blown away by the whole thing!
Here are a few snaps I mananged to take at the shower, (Dels was official photographer, so these were snapped on my iphone!)

Baby feet cupcakes - lemon and poppy seed flavour - delicious!

Nappies that are too darling to use!! Thanks guys!

Baby Smith is blessed indeed to have so many people love her completely already. Our friends and church family have been a fantastic support network, from bringing roast dinners to our door, to phonecalls and texts to check in on us. We are so very thankful for each one of you!

The day of the shower, Princess and Jelly bean (aka courts and caits) got to go to the city on the train with Tim's mam and auntie. They had an awesome day and each got to make a bear in the bear factory for the first time. They both chose pink ones (obviously!) and picked out different outfits for them, telling the guy who worked there to make them soft not hard when he was stuffing them. As if that isn't cute enough, they also made one for their new baby sister. Meet 'Baby Bear'...

If you press his left arm he plays 'brahm's lullabye' and if you press his right hand you can hear the girls say ' Hello baby, I'm Courtney. Hello baby, I Cait-in.' I was just about ready to completely bawl my eyes out when I heard it for the first time. It is seriously so precious! They are going to make awesome big sisters!

I'm seeing my consultant obstetrician on Monday, and we have much to discuss, my midwife thinks the baby may have turned breech, in which case if she is still positioned as such, we will have to schedule a section. If she has turned, we will discuss an early induction date to try and eliminate the need for repair surgery. That coupled with the fact I have strep means I'll need IV antibiotics as soon as labour starts, if we wait for it to progress, baby could end up with IV at neo-natal again (A route we are hoping to avoid!)

So we could be meeting our little girl next week, I am so excited to see how she looks, and this week I thought up a new name that I think will suit her perfectly, so I can't wait to see if I'm right! However, we cannot schedule induction before Thursday, as it's Tim's graduation day! I told him, that she probably will be born wednesday evening just to mix things up a little! Ha! In all seriousness though, we are totally trusting in God, and know that whatever happens with labour, birth and beyond is all part of His amazing plan. It's a done deal, He's gone before us and marked out our steps. And we are excited to see where He leads...

Best friends

2011-08-24T20:43:00.003+01:00

Tonight as we sat down to eat dinner, I saw a glance of our tender hearted, firstborn's dreams for her future. She lifted her fork and looked at it, after she'd sampled what I'd made she declared:

'this is just scrumptious. When I am a mammy, I am going to make this for my girls every single day.'

'I'm glad you like it babe, how many girls will you have?'

'three and they will be best friends, and I will be allowed to cook with the hot oven because when I have children I will be a grown up, I'll be FIVE won't I mam?'

'you might have to be a little older than five babe!'

'okay then, but I will make enough for you aswell, because we will live together forever, like best friends.'

'But you'll have a husband someday baby, so you'll live with him then instead.'

'that's okay, I'll just marry Daddy, then you can both eat the dinner that I cook.'

I love her innocent heart, and I love how much she loves her Daddy. Plus, she called me her best friend! That, coupled with telling me my culinary skills are so good, made for a moment I am in no hurry to forget. She is sweeter each day this summer, I LOVE this age!

Potty talk

2011-08-17T21:25:00.002+01:00

So, in preparation of having a newborn around here again, I decided, in all of my wisdom, that now would be a good time to potty train Caitlin. Probably because I'm Eco-aware and would feel utterly terrible about contributing two lots of nappies to the local landfill, when it's already so full. Or maybe it's because I COMPLETELY ran out of nappies one day about two weeks ago, and didn't dare take little miss to a store to get some without her, you know, actually wearing one.

True story.

So, I had a potty (that we tried training her with about two months ago- she was having none if it) and a few pairs of princess pull-ups and a pack of new 'big-girl' pants that we'd bought in a sale in anticipation of this moment, all to hand. All I needed now was some patience, some laundry powder, some paper towels and a bit of co-operation on her part. :)

The first day went well. We had one success and about four accidents. I put a pull up on her for bed, and she woke up dry- score!

Day two- we improved, about equal success to accident ratio and again woke up dry.

Day three... Oh day three! Caits seemed to have a touch of short term memory loss, and didn't remember to go potty one single time. My washing machine was kept nice and busy.

But here we are nearly three weeks on, and I think we've mastered it! Of course the odd accident is to be expected, but we went shopping today and she stayed dry and told me when she needed to go. HUGE milestone! We are so proud of our clever 'little big girl', and to be honest, she's pretty proud of herself too!

Way to go Caitlin!! x

35 weeks.

2011-08-14T17:11:00.002+01:00

I know things have been a bit quiet on the blog-front lately, but it's been anything but that in the smith camp for a while now! We've been busy getting things in order for baby smith's arrival (which could be anytime really, since she's given us some hints that she may very well wish to meet us sometime soon!) we're 35 weeks along now and so five weeks seems nuts to be meeting our newest addition, let alone the possibility of it being any sooner! But, that said, we are so excited aswell! I can't wait to see if she has hair and if she inherits Tim's nose (please, please, please!) and I take a little longer each day deliberating over which perfume to spritz my neck with... Could she realistically come today? If so, do I want her to smell Marc Jacobs, Chanel chance or dkny be delicious on her mama first?

We had a follow up scan this week, which, praise God, went brilliantly, baby is measuring good and in the sonographer's words has 'a nice little head' ...hear that? A LITTLE head! Woohoo! I'm totally believing for a better birth experience this time around, but whatever happens we rest safe in the knowledge that it has all been ordained by the God who prepares good things for us. And even with all the uncertainty of wondering if she will be born early or late or whenever, the same God who knows the number of hairs on our heads, has determined the exact time and place of her birth already. Love it!

We've also been taking every opportunity we get to go hang out with friends and dine out. Firstly because when little miss arrives we know our lives will be turned upside down in the best possible way, and secondly, because eating out = no cooking or clearing up! It's really been a win-win situation!

33 weeks

2011-07-30T15:48:00.002+01:00

I cannot believe I get to use that as today's title! Can you believe how quickly this pregnancy is flying past? We can't! Since I never got around to purchasing the 'pregnancy journal' we had for the girls, I need to ensure I document this exciting and crazy time for posterity's sake!

(I literally just felt the baby do a complete flip in my tummy as I was typing that, seriously big movement, it felt like my stomach was falling out!) Yesterday, I got to model for a maternity photo shoot, it was so great to celebrate how amazing pregnancy really is, and to get some great images of looking 'swell' shall we say? ;) I am SO excited to see the final images, especially the one we did with a pair of white baby booties balancing on my bump! It's mad to think that those booties will be on the feet of this oh-so active baby that's growing inside of me. Can you tell I just adore being pregnant?!

This past week, we have been quite the socialites, trying to 'catch up' properly with our beautiful friends before my head turns to mush and all I can think about is when I last fed the baby, how long she has slept for and trying not to lock my keys inside the car (which is my usual sleep-deprivation trick!) At one of our get-togethers, my cravings for turkey and a big ole christmas dinner was completely sated. To say it was a feast would be an understatement, but oh my goodness, it was so tasty! Thanks for slaving over the stove on such a hot day!

My cravings this week have shifted from liqorice to corned beef and coconut bounty bars (don't panic I don't eat them together!) And, I've started munching on ice chippings after I finish my drinks, I think the crunchiness is what satisifies me more than the diet coke or whatever!

Since baby boo is active pretty much all of the time, it's proving pretty hard to get much sleep. Funny how these babies prepare you for sleepless nights even before they arrive isn't it? I don't mind so much though, I just sort of lay there half asleep trying to guess which part she will kick next - ribs? just under my belly button? It does however mean that it seems that every day I get tired even earlier than the day before. By around 4pm I am pretty much good for nothing, which is probably a good thing, since my feets have turned into puffer-fish this week, which means my shoes are getting snug. I may soon be forced into wearing flats... I know, I can't believe I just said that either...

I think we've hit the nesting part of pregnancy good and proper though, and note, I said 'we'- this morning Tim got up and just started deep-cleaning the kitchen with no 'prompting' from me! He cleans so much better than I, cupboards, drawers, tiles all get over-hauled and the kitchen is spotless. I love it when he's in cleaning mode! I sifted through the toy boxes and put all the sily tiny pieces back where they belong, not that they ever stay there long mind! But at least we feel like we are gearing up for baby boo to come join our little family.

Oh, I almost forgot to say that I saw my consultant team again last Monday, they are happy with my platelet levels, which we are thrilled with, and are fully supportive of the fact I want a natural delivery. Well, when I say 'fully' supportive, I may be exaggerating just a teeny bit, when she read over my notes, her actual words were 'oh you poor thing! Why did they let you go natural last time?' Um, because I wanted to, maybe! She just said that they will keep measuirng baby, and as long as it doesn't appear that she grows too large, then we get to avoid a planned section. Sounds like a plan to me Doc!

My mother-in-law has started knitting within an inch of her life, she is so clever with the stuff she can do, but I'm always amazed how quickly she finishes a project. Though she's reluctant to make everything in pink, becasue she is still convinced that the sonographer was wrong, and that we're having a boy! That said, my mam was paying for something from the boutique the other day and as she handed over payment went 'It better be a girl now, Nat'. Haha. Lovew it.

7 more weeks! I can barely wait!

Tangled

2011-07-26T21:40:00.002+01:00

Our girls absolutely love the new film 'Tangled'- it's the story of Rapunzal retold brilliantly by Disney. They sing along loudly to all the songs that are featured and take it in turns to sit on the step with a blanket trailing down their back whilst the other shouts 'Rapunzal! Let down your hay-er!'

The film tells of How Rapunzal is kidnapped as a small child and locked away in a tower with who she believes is her mother- who in actual fact is somebody who is deceiving her purely for selfish motives. (As long as Rapunzal is near her and sings the 'special song', 'mother' gets to look eternally youthful.) As the girl gets older though she is torn between wanting to leave the tower and see the floating lanterns that appear annually and not wanting to dishonour her 'mother'. She would love to leave captivity and yet feels compelled to stay there.

It got me thinking of how the enemy sometimes uses this tactic in our own lives. We'd love to step out beyond the circumstances we've been handed into greater things, and yet we're held back. Restrained by the past and what we've always known- maybe a discouraging word that we've clung to, financial circumstances that never seem to change, lies that we've allowed ourselves to believe. Ultimately what keeps us captive is our deciever.

When Rapunzal finally gets to see the lanterns light up the sky, she realises she's been lied to, breaks free and is reunited with her royal family. It just resonated with me that, that is exactly what Jesus wants to do for us. He wants us to break free of our captivity and realise our identity as a daughter/son of the King, so that we can shake off our circumstances, stand firm in Him and know that 'if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed' (John 8:36)

Savouring

2011-07-21T12:29:00.002+01:00

I'm one of those people who holds your gaze a little longer than is comfortable.

I like to turn a 'hug' into 'being held' by staying close a few seconds longer.

I tuck my children into bed about two e more than I probably should when they are sleeping soundly.

I notice myself staring as my husband taps away on his laptop, studying the furrow of his brow and the look of sheer accomplishment when he figures out something new on a design.

I write about what's on my heart as soon as I physically have time to do so.

I'm thankful I get to stay home everyday and watch my children grow and imagine up new things. I always have another 'cuppa tea' at our tea parties on the floor.

I'm a fan of taking a moment to make a memory.
These days are long, but the years? They are oh so short.

Investing

2011-07-19T21:22:00.006+01:00

I read something today that made me squirm in my seat a bit, it said something along the lines of 'whilst parenting is vital, don't neglect to invest in your marraige aswell. When your children flee the nest, it's what you'll be left with.'

Convicted yet?
I am!

Sometimes, parenting is all-consuming in my world. Sometimes, I have said the phrase 'take turns', 'That's not kind' and 'Don't snatch' so many times that it would suit me fine to not hear my own voice again for the rest of the day. How easy is it when the kids have finally gone to sleep, to just collapse in a heap on the sofa, flick on the TV and not talk? Not communicate? Not invest?

Or the days you are physically exhausted from tidying, bending and stooping and heaving a toddler around. How easy does it become to de-sensitise yourself from your husband's desires and emotional needs. Far easier instead to focus on sleep than to 'invest'.

Or, how about the time when the phone rings and your battling the strong will of a three year old who doesn't want to finish dinner? You pause, grit your teeth and politely say 'hello?' whilst you lift the reciever, then when you know it's your husband and it's 'safe', you rant about how 'hard' your day is going without thinking to enquire as to how his is unfolding?

It's real life, it's hard, it's the way it is, right?

And yet, I need to remember to choose to invest in our marraige, and futureproof it for the days when I'm no longer needed to play dress-up or braid heair, the days when the house is quieter and there will be just us two. After all, Parenthood is a tag-team sport- there's no way I can do it alone! We are a team, we play for the same side, and to maintain the unity of that team- that special God-instituted relationship, I need to remember to build it up and not let it fall down.

And that is why, as soon as I hit 'publish post' in a moment, I am going to intentionally have a grown up conversation with my lovely little man (Just don't try this during 'Extreme Fishing with Robson Green' or 'Match of the Day' etc, as you will lose the desired effect, I guarantee it!) And, I know that one conversation doesn't guarantee us anything, but a small start is better than no start...

Clearing up

2011-07-14T21:07:00.003+01:00

I seem to have suddenly hit the stage of pregnancy where 'I! NEED! EVERYTHING! DONE! LIKE! YESTERDAY!' ( I hope you get my energy and excitement without thinking I'm shouting at you with all the exclamation and capitals. Ha.) I heaved a load of stuff into the boot of the car and loaded up the kids to go to the tip and finally get rid of the stuff I cleared out but never made it further than the landing! I just walked past it on the way to clean the bathroom and got so mad I hadn't dealt with it before that I just grabbed it and marched right out to the car. Then I drove to the tip, threw/recycled it all and came on home. I walked upstairs to finish the cleaning and was amazed at how much bigger and better the landing looked.

It reminded me of the way we sometimes intend to deal with the 'stuff' that clogs up our hearts and lives- the lie we intend to shake off and not believe but somehow put up with, the things we make idols in our lives that we promise ourselves we'll bash down and somehow never deal the blow or that negative attitude that we excuse with the weather, our feelings or our situations.

The house looked and felt better for getting rid of the rubbish, and it's the same deal with the issues in our hearts. Sometimes we need to get a bit riled up and just deal with whatever is getting in the way- anxiety, fear, disappointments - whatever. It's only when we entrust these things to God in prayer and meditation, that we can start to feel lighter, fresher and, well, just better. Better because that's just what He is. He is better than anything that clouds up our hearts, our lives.

If only I'd cleaned up that landing sooner, if only I'd entrusted those anxieties to the one who loves me most, earlier than I did, I would've been able to rest better. Sometimes we just have to 'deal' with it!

September

2011-06-30T20:17:00.002+01:00

Okay so I've buzzed a LOT lately on twitter and facebook about how excited I am for September to come. It is going to be an amazing, exhausting and exhilirating few weeks, for these three reasons:

1. Tim is starting at 'Victory Acadamy' - An extensive training course run by our church which covers theology, leadership and church planting. He is beyond excited to get to be able to learn in this way and see what our God has instore. When we first heard that this acadamy was taking place back in January, I was hoping to study aswell, but then we found out that would not be happening as reason number

2. Is that in September, baby boo is due to arrive! I was a little sad that I wouldn't get to do acadamy, but I SO appreciate that for this season in life, this is where I'm meant to be- at home, loving on my babies and teaching them how to love well. Though I won't gett o delve into ocean-deep theology, I will gett o focus on my current missionfield- mothering.
Anyway, I just cannot wait to meet our newest addition and love on her. I am even anticipating the labour with excitement rather than nerves (though I realise there's a few weeks for this to change!) though Tim doesn't share my enthusiasm for the labour, in fact, this time round, he is downright frightened. He's even been scouting for back-up birthing partners to provide him with support during the drama. (He is adamant that he will pass out if he has to endure another traumatic birth!) He also pre-warned me that he is NOT gonna accompany me to theatre if a section has to be scheduled. Sweet that he thought to pre-warn me, huh?

3. This next one is HUGE! Our church is planting its second church at the end of September, in one of the poorest estates in the valleys. We are thrilled at the annointing and obedience of our senior pastor and just know that God is all over this. We are anticipating God to move in a huge way and breathe life back into the deprivation the valley currently lives in. It's refreshing to not just be in a church that talks about reaching the lost and going into the 'highways and byways' to rescue sinners, but one that actually does something about it! You can read more about it here

I said to Tim last night that I feel like I've just opened the first window of an advent calender at christmas- I have that giddy, excited feel that just around the corner something HUGE is happening. I just cannot wait, of course I know that before anything beautiful is birthed, there has to be labour pains and challenges to overcome, but the end result? Totally worth it all.

Right here, Right now

2011-06-22T20:59:00.002+01:00

We're at that stage of our pregnancy now. You know, the part where the world and their friend decides to tell you 'how big' you look, which sometimes even prompts the 'are you having twins?' question, said with both an air of sympathy and excitement. The stage where your hair is gloriously shiny but so thick that it doesn't want to be styled. And the almost constant heartburn is making me wonder whether baby No. 3 might actualy be born with lots of hair... Strawberry blonde hair? Blonde hair? Or dark hair?

But, akin to all of that, this is seriously the best time. I pass baby stores and wistfully look at teeny tiny outfits, I try out prams and pushchairs and wonder if I could re-create this with the right fabric and my mother-in-laws sewing skills...

I balance the remote control/my iphone/a box of chocolates on my tummy and watch with a smile as the item moves and wobbles before falling off due to being booted out of the way.

I subconciously rest my hand on my bump whenever I'm totally relaxed or I see/hear something about newborns.

I take pauses during folding laundry to think about what she will look like, and how she will smell and how she will feel next to my skin. Will she look like the name we have picked out (which, by the way, we are keeping underwraps!)

I laugh as the girls tell the baby 'stories' and sing songs from 'Tangled' to her. Courtney keeps asking if the baby is nearly 'ready' yet, ad when I say 'nearly', she says, 'Oh good, when your tummy hurts, you will need to say 'Quick to the hospital!' We owe the writers of 'Peppa Pig' for that one!

I am a lot calmer this time around, even watching 'One born every minute' doesn't faze me! I know that whatever happens, will be the birth that God ordained for us, and I have great comfort knowing that He has one before me and has already set in place the people who will care for me during labour, and the succession of what will happen. I love that He has detirmined the exact time and date for us to meet Baby girl!

I love that my nails have grown super strong and long! Seriously, I was planning on getting UV extensions this week, and as I was about to ~~persuade~~ tell Tim how much I ~~needed~~ wanted them, I realised I don't even need them, my nails look pretty good, if I do say so myself. See, Jesus loves me! Hmm... since my nails don't need fixing, maybe I should get some eyelash extensions...

Pregnancy also makes me LOVE visiting the doctor's room, okay the blood tests and other checks aren't altogether fun, but hearing that precious heartbeat? I'm close to tears every time. A-maz-ing. I defy anyone to go through pregnancy and birth, meet their newborn, and not believe in miracles.

All this to say... I'm so very blessed. And the life of blessing, is sweet my friends.

Some random Stats...

2011-06-22T20:26:00.002+01:00

Now and again, blogger amuses me with the 'stats' tab.

Some of the funny google searches that have led readers here include...

'What are 'dutterflies'?'

'I want to buy poptarts.'

'I need to nap'

Sums it all up beautifully, dontcha think?

And, even though I'm getting worse at regular updates, people are still giving me 'hits' and making my stats graph peak. I only know of about 5 or 6 people that check this regular, if at all, so Let's have a delurking day shall we? Leave me a comment and tell me something about you, or how you came across my little webby-corner. It'll be fun!

A sermon, short and sweet

2011-06-11T14:04:00.003+01:00

A few nights ago, I read to the girls at bedtime about how the kingdom of God is for kids-- Jesus saying 'suffer the children to come unto me.'
When I came downstairs I heard Courtney retelling the story to pooh bear. This is her version:

'what do you think you're doing?' said Jesus' friend, 'Jesus hasn't got time for babies!!'
'what do you think you're doing?! Jesus hasn't got time for girls!'
'what do you think you're doing?!' Jesus hasn't got time for boys or skateboards!'
'uh what do you think YOU'RE doing?!' said Jesus. And he blessed the babies and blessed the girls and blessed the boys.
The end.'

'okay pooh bear, one more time then you HAVE to go to sleep, 'Kay?'

I love that girl! And I love her chatty ways!

In which I explain the bloggy break

2011-06-08T15:59:00.004+01:00

Things have been a little quiet on the bloggy front lately, for a handful of different reasons, one being that I've been writing on some other projects- all of which I am VERY excited about, but more on that another time.

Tomorrow I have a routine antenatal appointment with my midwife, and I'm excited and nervous all at once. Excited to see how baby's growth is coming along, and to hear her beautiful heart beat, but nervous because I was sure my blood pressure was okay last time and it was very low. It's frustrating feeling fine one minute and doing everything in your power not to pass out, the next! Also, tomorrow, I'm getting more bloodwork done to check my platelet count.

This is because whilst at the hospital, (for said fainting episodes) they discovered my platelet levels in my blood were much lower than they expected, not just that, but within 12 hours had dropped even lower. This apparently occurs in about 8% of pregnant women, and if levels drop drastically can cause heamorrage during or after childbirth, making c sections (emergency or otherwise) nigh on impossible because the blood just will not cut. Naturally I was on tenter hooks about the whole thing, the only way to raise the platelet level is by delivery of baby, or platelet transfusions, both of which are risky so soon on. However, I did what any other 21st century gal would've done and tweeted for some prayer as soon as I'd googled what the nurses and docs had said. Folks, that was the best idea I had in a long long time. As I sat and talked at God, I knew a few others were petitioning on my behalf too, and after seeing the professor heamotologist, had my fears calmed instantly.
He was calm and ordered a retest to be done in a different solution bottle. And after what seemed ages, my levels returned to almost normal, still lower than they like, but much safer indeed. And, the fact they'd ruled out any nasty auto-immune disease that they'd failed to mention they were testing for. Praise the Lord! Why are we always so surprised when God does His thing?

By the way, did I mention all this was going on during Courtney's 4th birthday party?

And, that's why I'm just a little bit nervous. I know it will all be okay really, of course it will. That's how God works isn't it- mysterious, sovereign and faithful but always wonderfully pure in all His ways.

Anyways, getting back to why I've not blogged much lately- since my blood pressure has stayed so low, it doesn't take much to make my head spin, laptop use included, Ive pretty much spent my nights on the sofa listening to my husband when he orders me to 'chill' and getting to do a little reading too. much as I like to be constantly busy, I really think God brings us to a halt sometimes for a season of teaching. I've learnt a fair few lessons already. I just think I spend so much time talking Gods ear off that sometimes he needs to grab my attention somehow just so that I'm more eager to listen to His voice. Of course, being a 'words' girl, who likes to talk and write, sometimes a little shock that makes you stop in your tracks works wonders...

Wishful window shopping

2011-05-18T21:08:00.002+01:00

If money were no object I would soon be buying 'baby boo' any one or all of these adorable baby things...

This is 'sophie the giraffe' She is adorable and is made from chemical free rubber for your baby to chew on when teething, it also squeaks and can be used as a nursery ornament (because it really is that cute!) They also do a sophie:bath version. Too cute.

This is my new favourite pram/stroller combination. It's an icandy (like our previous tandem) and this particular fabric is limited edition and doesn't go on sale until July. Yes, that is the Eiffel tower that you can spot, and yes, they do a co-ordinating baby bag too. I told Tim that I think I need this pram and showed him the picture. He is pretty smitten too. It is gorgeous and SO my style!

This is the perfect cotbed to go in our master bedroom. We are in the midst of redecorating it to boudoir black and white and this would look so at home with some cute black, white and pink bunting in the corner of our room! Plus it's neutral enoug to last us for years...

This is an excellent invention if it in fact does what it claims to do. It has three different sound effects to help your baby relax and drift off to sleep- rain, waves and maybe womb noises? I can't remember! It a;lso helps baby to make sleep pattern associations, ie when you play the sheep, he/she knows it is definately time for bed!
Plus, the design is so darling, I totally wouldn't mind if it didn't work, it would look gorgeous in my paris pram!

And because I love all things girly, this post would not be complete without some pink thrown in for good measure. This is the 'nmade with love' blanket from mamas and papas, and I think the patterns are so beautiful yet a little quirky. Love it!

But, since I just had to buy insurance for my car, like a proper grown up, I don't think any of these will make it into our home quite yet...

FOUR!

2011-05-10T21:13:00.002+01:00

Courtney,

Happy 4th birthday!

We cannot believe you are already four years old! I can remember the day you entered the world as if it were yesterday! I remember crying with fierce and complete love for you the second you were placed on my chest. You were beautiful and serene and I didn't think I was capable of loving anyone as much as I love you.

Did you know you changed the world?

Every nurse on the maternity ward commented on your serenity and one nurse told me they referred to you as the 'good baby who never cries' at the nurses station. Even when you were wheeled away to neonatal for your daily IV drip, you looked around just taking it all in. Peaceful. Knowing. You changed me forever during our time in hospital. I know that my hormones only played part of why I would cry tears of joy over you whilst I nursed you at 2am. You'd fall asleep and I would watch you in wonderment for hours whilst your chest Rose and fell. Perfect.

And now you are a little person, a miniture version of me. I watch as you put your hands on your hips when you look at your hair in the mirror, or the way you 'love' dresses at the clothes store and grab them asking 'is this my age?' you probably get your impulsive shopping spirit from me baby! When you get ready for church, you sit at the table whilst I do my make up and you carefully apply about a hundred coats of little girl lipgloss to your sweet lips. Daddy asks you 'what are little girls lips for?' and you answer 'saying nice things and kissing daddy.' he kisses the top of your head and mutters 'yes only daddy' every single time. Goodness help any boy who attempts to ask you out in like ten years time!

Some things you love right now are: strawberries, pears and apples. You would much rather eat fruit than chocolate though I'm pretty sure our dentist thinks I'm a liar everytime I say that! You love to play house and dress up 'like a mother' in my shoes, every necklace you own and the lipgloss I mentioned earlier! It's adorable, you push your baby dolls around and tell Caitlin she can only be the daddy and 'not the mother, okay?' and she just ignores you and takes the baby dolls anyway. Good job we have about 6 dolls and 2little strollers! You love to watch Disney DVDs and your favourites are beauty and the beast and high school musical 3- you know all the songs and sing very loudly whilst you dance to them on the living room floor. You love our pet cat, Simba and because he's a house cat, you got hysterical last week because he jumped a window and sat on the kitchen roof. He came back within two minutes but you were sobbing that 'we'll never see dimba ever again!' you're so sensitive and caring, you get certificates at school for 'being kind to others' and 'having good manners.'

Speaking of school, you attend wrap-around every Friday, and when nanny picked you up this week, Aunty Margaret asked which church you attend because ALL session long you had said how much you love church, and Jesus and pastor Richard. She said to Nanny, 'between you and me, I think she is quite besotted with Pastor Richard.' and she wouldn't be wrong. Sometimes you get defensive when daddy calls you 'princess' you say 'No I am pastor richard's princess and nanny's precious. But, I am your girl!' daddy takes it well and tickles you for good measure. You love church, and are blessed to have such a loving church family. You especially love big Josh because 'he let's me play on his phone and gives me bread.' but you love being fussed over by auntie Sarah, Georgia and Jill too.

You are very excited that mummy and daddy are having another baby, you talk about things you will show her and give to her when she is here. Every morning you kiss my tummy and rest your head on my bump to 'huggle the baby'. You always said you wanted another 'girl sister' ever since we told you our family was about to expand. You're already such a great big sister, I'm sure you will love helping me with the new baby!

I never understood when parents would say having children is like having pieces of your heart walk around independent of your body, but now I know, now I understand. You are hilarious and beautiful and we love you Courtney lei!

Love,
Mammy x

Highlights from the Smith household...

2011-05-06T22:08:00.003+01:00

I realise I've been neglecting the ol' blog a bit lately, but it's only because my laptop is beyond repair and my phone is currently broken, so my webby time is somewhat limited to when hubby let's me use his work laptop. So I have a few random memoirs to bring y'all up to date on, and record for posterity.

- We got to see baby smith #3 this Tuesday at our 20week ultrasound! I was beyond excited to see our little boo again, and totally managed to keep 'what if's' outta my head...until the sonographer went quiet and started furrowing her eyebrows at the scrren for a whole 6 minutes (I know because I watched the clock nervously as an eery silence washed over the room- no nervous chitchat or stifled smiles, nothing.) When she saw I was all but ready to burst into tears, she said 'oh don't worry, you've just got a very naughty baby who won't let me take a picture of what I need.' Uh, hello? You coulda joked about that a whole 6minutes ago lady! But, anyway, of course all seemed well with baby Boo. Praise the Lord!

- The girls learnt a song at kids church called 'hop on the bus' and for the past two weeks Caitlin has woken up before the larks, at like 5.30am singing real loud that 'God is on the bus...oh yeah yeah yeah!' Then proceeds to get louder with each 'oh yeah yeah yeah' until she feels she has emphasized it enough. I lay in bed half asleep giggling at her cute little voice that can't quite pronounce everything right and wonder whether I should be so happy at such an unearthly hour. I am only human though, and I will say, it's kinda getting old. I'm excited to know that they are learning a new song this weekend...

- Courtney got a certificate at school this week, and this is what it says "Congratulations to Courtney who was caught being pleased for somebody else."
Hah it's adorable and a little funny too. Tey give certificates out for that? Who knerw! I asked her if lots of children got them and she said 'Nope, just me!' Apparently one of her playmates got crowned 'circle champion of the week' and Courtney went right upto her and said 'Aww well done!' and becasue she was kind enough to congratulate her and not be jealous, they gave her a certificate! Cute. She does have an old head on those shoulders of hers!

- Talking of Courts, she is turning FOUR on Tuesday. How in the world is my firstborn four already? I seriously cannot believe the whole 'experience' of her labour, birth and beyond was that long ago, it is crazy. However, seeing her personality evolve is amazing, she is both hilarious and kind. Not to mention absolutely gorgeous too!

- Tim is *this* close to finishing his degree at university. The big dissertation is due in on May 18th and he is slightly stressed and concerned about it, neither of us can wait for this season to be done with! So, if you think of him in the next week, I know he would appreciate some prayer! I am altogether too excited to see him graduate though, to say I am proud of him would be underplaying it! Plus, I'm psyched to see him in a cap and gown (and get to wear a pretty dress myself!)

- We serve at like THE best church in the area, I know everyone thinks that about their church but we really do. Everyone present really wants to be there ya know? And, we're blessed to be part of such a great team of people who not only serve well, but love well too.

- We asked Courtney whether she wanted a baby brother or sister and she said 'sister straight away'. When we asked Caitlin the same thing she looked me in the eye and said 'ummm bibby duck!' We're trying to come up with a way to let her down gently...

- I woke up at 4am one morning (when the house was silent) with the verse 'In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.' running through my veins. I thought and thought about it and it seemed to relate to nothing although I knew deep down that it would be something. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. Anyway later that morning, My mam came over for a cuppa and handed me my phone that I'd left at her house the previous day, when I turned it on I had 3 texts from a friend who was feeling 'lost'. I text the verse to her straight away. I LOVE when those moments happen! Amazing.

- Me and my man are going away to a spa hotel for our 5th wedding anniversary next month (I know, I can hardly believe I've been married five years either!) I am beyond excited to cut ourselves off from technology for two days and rest and reconnect with no distractions, plus my Mum is gonna keep the kids whilst we're away and since it happens to be after my birthday week, I am thinking a bit of retail therapy might be in order too... after all, it'd be rude not to!

- I finally found a tummy butter that doesn't smell of cocoa! I have been looking for a nice smelling miracle mama cream for ages but the main ones kept smelling like cocoa. I love chocolate as much as the next girl, but really, who wants to go to bed smelling of the stuff! So, yeah my new cream has chamomile and lavender hints and is generally much nicer than the others.

- My husband does at least one 12 hour shift a week, which means I have a 14hour day with the girls, which is fine, but sometimes the time kinda drags. I have found a new way to make the day go a whole lot quicker. Instead of doing my chores while the girls are at school and playschool, I had cookies and cherry coke with a friend...with no children around. It was refreshing and very good for my soul. I collected the kids after, and was a whole lot more motivated to get everything else in order. I plan to incorporate this into my weekly schedule. That is the secret to being productive...give yourself some recharge time. You're welcome!

Okay, I bet you're really glad you stopped by, huh? :) If you made it this far, thank you and goodnight!

Green is SO her colour

2011-04-26T20:55:00.000+01:00

The girls got Disney costumes for Easter from Tim's parents. Courtney wore her 'Belle' one to the royal ball in school to celebrate the impending royal wedding, and Caitlin wore hers practically all weekend. I didn't protest though cause it looked like this tinkerbell number was made just for her. Seriously, she is beyond adorable...

It's totally okay for you to affirm the cuteness!

Mother's Day 2011

2011-04-04T11:03:00.001+01:00

So, yesterday was Mother's Day, I woke up to Courtney shouting 'happy mudder's day mammy!' and some gorgeous glittery homemade cards from the girls, but then I got that all-encompassing nauseous feeling and ran to the bathroom. I spent the next six hours inspecting our toilet and using all my will to keep a sip of water down. Tim was great and kept the girls downstairs and away from the room of germs! So for mothers day this year, I got my first real mama sick day. I dragged myself to bed at around lunchtime where I kept my whole body as still as can be so that the heaving wouldn't begin again. It was then that Tim brought some more cards up for me and a special gift... A perfume giftset. It was a welcome distraction for me, and look how adorable it was. There's even a little note from 'baby boo'

We missed another weekend at church, I missed loving on my babies and I got the worst virus I've had in about three years, but I was blessed beyond measure despite it all. My husband emptied the laundry basket, the children were beautifully behaved and I had lots of quiet time to thank God for the wonder and privilege of being a mammy, of being blessed with gorgeous children and praising Him for my husband and our little brood.

As I heard Courtney chatter away to Caitlin, I remembered a quote I'd read somewhere, that said 'having children is like having little peices of your heart walking around outside of your body.' I couldn't say it any better than that. Sappy? Maybe, but considering I just cried watching 'supernanny usa' I think it's rather mild.

Now, since I am aching all over and feeling rather faint, I'm going to drink a gallon of lucozade!

A Manic March.

2011-03-30T22:49:00.000+01:00

I realised I haven't blogged much lately, and that's mainly due to the fact that, March has been a tough month for the Smith household, there's never a pretty way to say that is there?

We've dealt with some minor health issues- I dislocated my jaw during the extreme sport of... Yawning. Seriously, I kid you not. And because I'm pregnant, couldn't have any pain relief (bar entinox) whilst the doctor pulled and pushed it back into place. My face was swollen and sore and I needed a soft diet for a few weeks. It's been a blessing in (much) disguise though, as I've personally learnt that our value as a person doesn't come through the things that we do... I wasn't loved any less because I couldn't laugh or talk much for a while...actually Tim might have loved me a little more during those 'quiet' spells! Ha. Kidding... Maybe.

But it also meant I had to step away from praise team at church on the weekends. Something I am passionate about, something I really enjoy, and something that we, as broken people, could sometimes find a sense of identity from.
It's been a good season of learning for me though, because I have really felt that this just isn't the case. Truth is it's only when we abandon everything of ourselves that we truly find WHO we are because of who we belong to. I have had some tender moments in worship with my Jesus away from a title or a position or a crowd. Of course I've missed serving alongside the team though and am excited to get back to it very soon.

So, then I got to visit the very same hospital again as I came down with some crazy sinus infection that I self diagnosed (wrongly) as a migraine, when after three days I could no longer stand any light or lift my head off the pillow, I kinda twigged something wasn't quite right. So I got some antibiotics and a few days of bedrest. My laundry pile went crazy whilst I was outta action, but kudos to my awesome mammy who sorted that out for us!

Then last week we got a call to say that Tim's dad had been in a motorcycle accident and was at the Hospital. His bike was a complete write off and the other veichle involved was in a pretty bad state too, but Tim's Dad came out of it with a shattered bone in his foot, some bruising and swelling and a cut to his arm. We thank God for his protection over him that day as doctors warned he was 'lucky' and that it could have been so much worse.

And then this week, after we got back from Saturday night church, Courtney said she had a tummyache and went to the bathroom. About a minute later Tim called me for backup... Let's just say it wasn't pretty. She was sick pretty much all night/morning and I left her with Daddy while I took Caitlin to church with me. By Monday morning, Tim had caught it and last night poor little Caity got it too. So I missed out on the trip to London I had planned with my big bro to watch 'legally blonde :the musical' last night, I tried really hard to be gracious about staying home, but I was so excited to see it, and anyone who knows me well will know that musical theatre makes me very happy! However, silver linings and all that, Thus far I have managed to not get sick, but it kinda takes it's toll, and I'm feeling a bit yucky tonight so any prayers not for me to catch this virus would be appreciated! :) thanks!

There's not really any pretty bow to tie this post up, and I hate to leave the blog all sad and moany, but just wanted to explain where I've been all this time! But, April is around the corner bringing with it the promise of Easter, of good news, of hope, of fresh beginnings, of salvation.

What's not to love about that!

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Confessions

2011-03-18T20:53:00.000Z

1. I talk about my blog buddies as if they're real life friends from across the street...' yeah so Jaclyn's little girl, Grace was wearing THE most adorable outfit in this picture.'

me : ' so Jen's going to New York soon with Grantly. We should visit New York sometime, the shopping sounds goood.'

Tim: 'Jen who?'

Me: you know, Jen-the-newlywed. From Houston!' *rolls eyes*

2. The 6 'o' clock news makes me cry. Almost everytime. War, preemie babies, natural disasters, they all resonate too deep with my compassionate side.

3. I haven't moved from the sofa in almost two hours. It's blissful.

4. I've talked Tim's ear off about what I should get my mam for mother's day, the gift suggestions have been mainly things I'd like to receive- subtle planting is the key here. This way when he comes up with something really great, he'll think he thought of it by himself, but truth is, it was my idea. If I get a certificate for a back massage or eyelash extensions, I'll be happy...

5. Most people get agitated by commercial adverts between primetime TV programmes, but I love them! I guess what products they're selling and get it right too many times than I should. Tim calls me sad and laughs at me. He loves my quirks.

6. I talk too much. I know, a shocker right? Sometimes after I come away from social situations I reprimand myself for chatting too much. I should listen more.

7. I get asked for ID to buy things like hairspray, plastic cutlery, movies and wine. Clearly I still look about 15.

8. For all my talk of shoes, eyelashes and clothes, the thing that rocks my world the most is 'words'. I would rather get a hand-penned note that is personalised for me than a gift. This is also the reason I always open up cards before gifts at birthdays and Christmas.

Okay, so I think that's enough confession for one night... :)

Maybe I'll get to rename the blog?

2011-03-09T14:03:00.004Z

Okay so there's BIG news in the Smith household...

The 'little ladies' around here will not be the littlest for much longer-

Courtney and Caitlin are both going to become BIG sisters...

We're pregnant!

We are really excited about becoming five, and baby Smith no.3 is due to join us September 16th! I have been bursting to blog about it ever since we found out about seven weeks ago, hence the lack of updates, and I am relieved for our secret to be out in the open, since my usual clothes are already starting to feel far too snug. I'm not sure how much longer I could've made excuses for the 'bump' that has already appeared.

We got to see 'baby boo' (from Monsters inc- the girl's latest dvd craze) at our dating scan last Monday, and Courtney came along to 'watch the baby on TV', I met my consultant and everything is A-OK! I was concerned that the consultant team would push me for a c-section this time, but I got a good one who was totally supportive of whatever I felt best to do. PTL!

A Little Lady Update

2011-02-22T12:22:00.002Z

I just need to record a few phrases/stories that the girls have said lately, becuase they are just too cute and funny not to!

Courtney (Whist talking about Jesus' Death and ressurection): "We nearly lost our Jesus mummy on the cross, but then he came alive again! But whatever they did to him on the cross, he did to them on the cross too!"

Me: "No babe, Jesus forgave them, he didn't hurt them back, he loved them."

Courtney : "Nope, not the African Jesus.'

Something is amiss with her theology somewhere, but she's only three so I feel we have some time to rectify it! Bless her heart.

Okay, so next humourous moment was when the girls were both playing with their 'Peppa Pig aquadraw' mat, Caitlin asked me to draw George's dinosaur, and once I'd finished, she said 'ahhh' and started to pat it with her hands, Courtney stepped back horrified and told her 'Caity, dinosaurs are quite dangerous you know!'. Lesson one for Caitlin - Beware the many dinosaurs that prowl around, 'they are quite dangerous you know!'

And this one is just for the cute factor, I asked Caitlin who's girl she was, and she said 'I Mammy's girl. I love mammy's girl!' Aww.

Just so you know, It is totally okay for you to affirm the cuteness!

Chocolate and Christians

2011-01-17T12:58:00.002Z

The church is filled with loads of different 'types' of people, different personalities, and different views and opinions. Yet, the people of Christ's church all have one thing in common- deep in each heart, is a rich trinity truffle centre, that binds them all together. A love for Jesus, not lust, but full-blown L-O-V-E! The sorta love that in turn, makes them love others- even the ones society brands as 'unloveable'. That's church.

But, in my years of 'doing' church, I noticed that some of the folks I got to meet and love, were vaguely comparable with one of my very favourite things - chocolate. No, not 'cause all christians are sweet and lovely, but rather, they are bar specific, as follows:

A bar of fruit and nut : I've noticed mainly two types of people at church - people who are fruitful, and the nuts. The 'fruits' are well-rooted, spiritually nourished and bear other fruits- having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude (colossians 2:7) but the nuts? Well, enough said really.

Boost : These are the people at church who are great encouragers, the oens that spuir you on when you're a bit low, and the guys who choose to build people up with their words instead of kncking them down.

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Flake : These are the people who tried doing church once - met with God a few times, but then something got tough and it didn't work out. And that was it. They've done it once, but aren't really keen on trying it again.

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others (Colossians 3:13)

Chomp - These are the folks who talk more than they listen -

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much (Proverbs 20:19)

Milkybar - These are the people who are straight, they do what they're here to do and don't make a mess. They have a childlike faith and repsect authority figures -

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." (Luke 18:17)

smarties - We've all met somebody like this. They think that they know it all and couldn't possibly learn anything off anybody. They are the intellectualists whose IQ's overshadow their faith.

So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:17)

Personally, I love all kinds of chocolates - the fruit and nut, flakes, smarities and everything in between, they're all part of what makes up 'church' different people have different strengths and weaknessses, so the next time you're tempted to judge that chomp right next to you, resist, and love on them instead. After all, that is what we're called to do...

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.(1 Peter 4:8)

Lessons from a 3yr old

2011-01-11T11:09:00.002Z

One of the things I love most about parenting is when for a moment, you actually see that your kids get what you tell them. I was driving home from the supermarket with the girls this week, and I looked in the rearview mirror to see Caitlin fast asleep and Courtney looking out of the window, I turned the music down to grab her attention, but as I did, she came out with this:

'Mammy, Jesus made me special didn't he?'

'Yes he did babes, you are mega special- to me and to Jesus!'

'Yeah, Jesus makes everybody special. Even Daddy, and Day-ty and Nanny and Dophie. Every single body!'

' That's right love, everybody is special in different ways.'

'Yes, 'cause Jesus' heart loves me and my heart loves everyone!'

How I didn't squeeze her too tight when we got home, I don't know. She's three, and she 'gets' what it's all about. Jesus made us special, He loves us and we should love Him and everybody else.
Why then do we 'grown ups' sometimes over-complicate things?

'Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves' Romans 12:10

It's simple, We're called to pour out love!

Another new diary.

2011-01-01T21:03:00.001Z

I’m one of those sad people that get crazily excited about new stationary. (Seriously, I got a beautiful ‘Laura Ashley’ diary and notebook for Christmas and the first thing I did was open the notebook to the first page, take in the cleanliness of a clean page, and then inhale the ‘new’ smell of it. See, sad.) I remember at the start of each new term in school, especially in RE and English, we’d get given new workbooks, (Except they weren’t brand new, they’d been in a stockroom for what was probably an age, before they even made it to a classroom, but that made them smell even better.) and each time, my workbook got opened up, smiled at and sniffed, before I got to work writing out my details on the front of each one, in best handwriting, of course. (You should know I did all of this very discreetly- I was well liked and had street-cred to maintain!) Funny thing was though; my books always stayed neat for like a month or two, but then as the assignments came flying in, my neatness went flying out! I’d start off with the greatest intention of keeping my book looking ‘new’ and yet it didn’t take long before I’d switched ink colours, used tippex and scrawled some pencil notes in the margin. The daily journey back and forth school also put pay to the ‘neat’ idea, since spilt drinks, rain and lipgloss marks slowly started to appear on the cover of each one. Thankfully, by the time my book was a complete wreck, it was September and time for a new one!

As I wrote some birthdays and regular dates and appointments into my 2011 diary this morning, I felt myself slip back into the same routine (except, I didn’t sniff it, because I think I have some flu virus coming on and I can’t really smell much at all) I wrote in my cutest lettering and used the co-ordinating pen, whilst thinking to myself, this diary is far too pretty to mess up in rushed writing and crossings out of muddled up meetings. What is it Bridget Jones says- another new diary, another clean start…at least it’s something along those lines. I think that’s why I love new books, diaries and notepads so much- the blank canvas, the emptiness, the space, means a lack of fixed schedule or busyness make way for new things to happen- new moments in my life that are going to be woven into the fabric of what is, penultimately, my ‘story’

And so, with as good an intention as ever, I’m going to try and keep my diary orderly and pretty, and yet realistically, I know that when the phone rings with somebody relaying me a phone number and Caitlin is asking for a snack for the fiftieth time, I will no doubt write the number down on any clean page that hasn’t been drawn on in crayon (by my adorable little girl who seems to love new books as much as her mammy!) instead of the appropriate alphabetical tab it should be written under.

Oh, and since finding a pen around this place is like finding fifty-pound notes, I’ll probably be writing that number down in crayon instead of a swanky pen.

It’s okay though, there’s always next year’s diary!

Thank goodness the author of our lives isn’t muddled and flustered, good job he is the perfecter and finisher of life, who does ‘infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope’ (Ephesians 3:20) It’s comforting to know His plan for our lives aren’t crayoned onto scrap paper, but meticulously drawn out as blueprints. And when we, as sinners, fail and fall and mess it all up, it’s awesome that we can repent and be forgiven completely. God loves us so much that he doesn’t even bother with tippex to blot out our unworthy scribbles, instead He is there turning a fresh, new page over before we’ve even finished saying Amen. God doesn’t do cover-up jobs and patch-up work, God’s in the business of fresh, clean starts. He wants the real deal.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T12:30:00.003Z

Today, the song of the hour seems to be 'We wish you a merry Christmas!' sung in native Courtney and Caitlin tongue, ie. toddler speak. It's seriously cute but since I haven't figured out to post videos to this here blog, I HAD to type this for posterity.

'We mish you a merry Kiss-mass!
We mish you a merry Kiss-mass!
We mish you a Merry Kiss-mass!
And.
A Happy New errrr!'

Happy Christmas!

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

2010-12-22T12:54:00.003Z

So all the snow we've been having this past frew days has pretty much affected everything. It took Tim FIVE hours to walk home from work on Monday, since buses were not running due to dangerous road conditions. He was a great trooper though and didn't complain one bit about the little adventure. He was soggy and freezing when he got back, but smiling and laughing as he hugged us girls in his soaking clothes! He just kept telling me how beautiful everything looked and how quiet the world seemed.

He's right, I got to walk through our village when it was heavily laced in snow and nobody was around. It felt like I was in a completely different area. Nothing was busy, no traffic sped past me, the ground was mainly untouched, unspoilt, and everything was beautiful. It has made my heart so happy to go to bed at night and not hear at least three or four police sirens screech past our house, mainly due to the fact the roads are so bad- I'm not naive enough to think that snow halts crime! But, it has proven a welcome respite of the day-to-day chaos that normallly hums around us in this part of town. The unspoilt ground showed no sign of litter or cigarette stubs, but was instead perfect, bar for a couple of different sized footsteps that screamed family. Glittering flakes of snow have the ability to make absolutely everything prettier than it once was. It's the way God sees us. He sees us beautiful, dancing around in snow glitter instead of the filthy, trashy sin that litters our lives. Each time we go to him in repentence, he shakes a couple more flakes over us, to cover the stain of our sin, and give us yet another fresh start.

And, as the pure soft snow, gives way to brown, melted slush, I am reminded of our constant need for God's grace in our lives. We can have the greatest intentions of keeping our hearts as pure as untouched snow, and yet our human nature is to mess it all up. How many of us can't help but stomp our footprint in a large bit of 'fresh snow'? It's human nature! We listen to that juicy bit of gossip, or speak words that hurt not that heal, or think wrong thoughts, and before we know it, all the snow's turned into brown mulsh and our hearts are in a mess. We're in a mess.

But, becasue of calvary- the only tree that really matters this Christmas,we can rest assured that 'though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow' Isiah 1:18

Choosing humility over hysteria

2010-12-13T13:36:00.003Z

"But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."
Luke 2:19

She definately had much to ponder! As I read that verse, I immediately admire Mary's gentle and quiet spirit. I remember how incredibly proud and excited I was showing off my newborn to admiring visitors, I'm pretty sure I talked ten to the dozen and bored them with details of the birth story and how heavy she was, etc. Then I probably cooed about how in love with her I was, and then eventually, I may have let them say a word or two... But Mary, kept it all to herself! I can just picture her so in awe as she gazes into the face of the baby boy she carried for nine months. I wonder what she thought as she noted his absolute perfection. Or what went through her head as she sung lullabyes over him and rocked him close.

Mary is the picture of sheer humility. She did not understand the entirety of the plan and purpose of incarnation, but she did understand her part. She received the news of the immaculate conception instead of rejecting it. She knew she was blessed to be involved with this great miracle, and though she didn't comprehend it, she embraced it. Let's not forget how young and probably uneducated, she was! From the moment she saw the angel, to the moment she gave birth, she was obedient. What a beautiful servant heart she had, and what an attractive spirit she kept.

As Christmas draws closer, and everybody waits in anticipation of what gifts they will recieve, I am mindful of the greatest gift there is- Jesus Christ. I think of how excited and uncomfortable Mary would've been feeling round about now, just under two weeks until her due date! And, as the busyness, hype and commercailism rise up all around me in this countdown to Christmas, I am challeneged to take a leaf out of Mary's book- to take some time to meditate on what it's all really about and 'ponder them' in my heart.

This Is Why He Came.

2010-12-09T08:04:00.003Z

I am super exciteable this morning, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that last night we had rehearsal for the Christmas programme happening this weekend at our church- entiteled 'This Is Why He Came', and to say I felt festive would be a massive understatement! The auditorium looked AMAZING, and the choir sounds fab, and I am altogether too psyched up for it. We had a great rehearsal, and there was a lot of dress/shoe talk afterwards, which is never a bad thing. It is going to be a fantastic weekend!

If you don't have plans this weekend, Come and be blessed.
And, if you do have plans, cancel them! Ha.

I can't wait!

The one with the hair.

2010-12-07T14:26:00.002Z

Okay, so yesterday was pretty much your standard day, Courtney got sick and stayed home from nursery, I had tonnes to do before going out in the evening, and there was nothing here for tea. Oh, and I became a REDHEAD! Oh yes I did.

I always wanted auburn hair, not the orange kind, but the gorgeous red, deep auburn kind. And, if it was naturally curly too, I'd be okay with it. But,naturally my hair is standard light mousy brown and straight with waves in the wrong places. Anywho, after years of being blondified every 4-6 weeks and spending (far, far) too much money, I decided it was time for a change. Apparently, blondes have more fun, but I just wasn't feeling it anymore.

So, the hair. It is funky. And shiny. And RED! Yea for red!

And, I trusted a totally new stylist to do it for me. That is a big deal for me people, I have been going to 'the wizard' for about 7years! I felt like I was cheating on her at first, but the guilt went when I saw the results. Needless to say, I am a teeny tiny bit in love with my new hair. :)

And that concludes my post entirely dedicated to talking about my hair. And people say I'm superficial...

2010-12-04T21:48:00.000Z

She's at it again. Talking in such a way that if you assumed it to be anything else but fact, you'd feel less than superior to she who knows it all. She starts off subtly- her voice barely audible, yet somehow her words stick in my head like some sorta vicious Velcro- if you try and unstick them by thinking it through, you'd cause more damage than good. She's the voice of self doubt, of misplaced confidence, of insecurity. It's the voice that starts as a whisper and turns into an aggressive rant. She is just so believable though.

She catches my eye, then dangles the bait. 'You're not good enough. You know that really, you don't even need me to tell you, do you?' I try and shun her, dismissing her claim. But she tries again, 'you're the same old brand new you, what makes you think you can cut it, hmm?' That's the one that cuts. She knows how to grip me. She's right, who do I think I am? And even if I think I am who I am, is that really what I should be? She can see it in my eyes- the fear. She sits examining her nails, just waiting. Waiting for the seed of doubt to grow out of control. To help it along, she waters it with what I am most insecure about- my looks. 'what is it you like to call yourself Nat, unique? Quirky?' even those words stick in my throat. Everyone's different, but there's different and then there's diff-e-rent. She starts to sing with a voice thats as psychphantically sweet as it could be-'Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining... What are yours like in comparison?' not as sparkly as they should be! Kinda dull sometimes even, still, nothing a tear or two won't fix. I feel my eyes heavily pregnant in my head, as a single tear births, she catches it on her perfectly manicured hand and uses it to smudge her stormy eyeliner just the right amount to make her look a lot less innocent than she portrays. 'don't judge me Nat, you're just as bad.' again she's right. I switch off the emotion that's left in me, and try and block her out, but she taps her last season prada shoes, knowing full well the words she has said will taunt me all night. She tosses her hair back as I take her captive. I retort that I know I'm not perfect, I'm a work in progress, right? She raises her eyebrow and air kisses my cheek making her excuses to leave. She knows if she stays around any longer there's a chance she could be defeated, if she keeps her scarlet lips closed for long enough, she'd hear the voice of reason, of confidence and assurity. The noise would deafen her. She's gone as quick as she came, but she'll be back and one day I'll get her.

When I am doing everything in my power to avoid the ironing...

2010-11-30T17:49:00.001Z

...you get posts like this:

1. What does the sixteenth text in your inbox say and whos it from? umm not sure, it's an iphone, is it the first contact and 16th message or the 16th contact and 1st message?

2. Has anybody ever told you they would be with you forever? Yep!

3. Last person you were in the car with? Timbo!

4. Any plans for tomorrow? Yeah, I really should be doing something but really can't remember what!

5. How long does it take you to have a shower? It doesn't. I'm a bath girl!

6. When is your birthday? June 10th

7. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Of course.

8. Did you kiss anyone Saturday? Yep, tonnes! It was a church day! :)

9. Ever thrown up in public? unfortunately that would be yes.

10. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW? too much.

11. Who was the last person you talked to face to face? Courtney Lei!

12. What is the WORST subject they teach at school? hmm, physics.

13. Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with? Not really.

14. What is your favourite colour shirt to wear? black or navy.

15. Have you ever been in a car accident? yeah.

16. Whats the closest thing to you that's green? the stems of the lillies in my vase.

17. Where would you like to be right now? in Starbucks...or Nandos...

18. Write down some lyrics to the song your listening to? maybe the reason why all the doors are closed, is so you find the one that leads you to the perfect road,... (8)

19. How many dogs do you have? none.

20. Is anything bugging you right now? yeah- the ironing that hasn't done itself yet!

21. How is life going for you right now? ticking along rather nicely.

22. Is there someone you care about more than yourself? yes, lots <3

23. What made you laugh today? Caitlin in the snow.

24. What was the last film you watched? in full? The Hangover

25. What's the last conversation you had about? what to eat for dinner tonight.

26. What were you doing at 7:00 this morning? fixing breakfast.

27. Do you like your hair long or short? long.

28. Do you want to see somebody right now? yes!

29. Do you like the rain? yes!

30. Do you think you'll have a Valentine this year? - just one?! haha lol of course, he's mine for keeps.

31. The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you go? without a doubt.

32. Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else? errrm...

33. Honestly, if you could go back 1 month and change something would you? Nah, everything happens for a reason.

34. Could you see yourself with someone forever? yeaaah.

35. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up? too cold!

36. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more? It's a known fact :-p.

37. Do you forgive and forget? I wanna say yes...

38. Do you trust people? only a few.

39. What are you not looking forward to? checking my bank blanace when I'm done wasting time.

40. Do you get mad easily? Not really.

41. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? yes

42. Do you have strange dreams? sometimes, yeah.

43. Ever licked someone’s cheek or forehead? probably.

44. Last time you fell asleep in someone’s arms? last night :)

45. When did you last throw up? in the summer.

46. What do you have on you at all times? eyeliner, perfume, iphone... and probably a small child or two :)

47. Would you go out in public without getting dressed up or put together? Not a chance.

48. Do you like fruity or minty gum? minty

49. Favourite musicians or groups? Jason mraz, damien Rice, The Wanted, The Script, Bruno Mars, Coldplay, etc

50. Favourite film of all time? ummm there are loads!

51. Favourite computer game? tomb raider. Though to be fair that pc game where you build and run a hospital? I was pretty good at that one too.

52. First album you ever went and bought with your own money? awww Boyzone!

53. Think back seven months ago, would you change anything? Nope.

54. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Of course.

55. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? hopefully.

56. Last thing you bought? Diet Coke

57. Are you a jealous person? Can be I guess.

58. Does it take a lot to make you cry? no. Haha.

59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? yep yep yep.

60. Do you think you can be heartbroken? I know you can.

61. Do you like to cuddle/snuggle? YES.

62. Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? yeaaaah.

63. How far away is the last person you hugged? umm 25 minutes away ish.

64. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now? yeah go for it :)

65. Is your life anything like it was a year ago? nah, that's good though!

66. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes.

67. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it? Diet Coke...no, coffee....no, coke...

68. Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't? yep.

69. What is the last thing you said out loud? Take turns!!

70. When was the last time you cried? Last week.

71. Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell? Lets go with yes.

72. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? set three alarms.

73. What can't you wait for? Christmas Eve!!

74. Have you ever told anyone you would marry them? obviously.

75. Does ''love you'' and "i love you'' have a difference? Definately!

76. Seven days from now what will you be doing? wrapping christmas presents and listening to christmas music and doing christmas stuff!

77. Are you mad about anything? yeah.

78. What is the last thing you got in trouble for with your parents? borrowing tools I didn't give back...hehe

79. Are you mean? not really, probably too nice for my own good if anything.

80. Were you happy when you woke up today? I was cold. Nat does not like being cold.

81. Has a boy/girl called you babe or baby in the past two days? yeah.

82. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? yeah.

83. Do you have anything that belongs to a someone? yes.

84. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? yeah.

85. How long do you think you will live? tomorrow isn't promised to anyone!

86. Does it bother you when people respond with one word? yeah... hahaha

87. Do you believe once a cheater, always a cheater? kinda.

88. Who disgusts you? politicians.

89. Name one thing people think about you that's not true? Confidence.

90. What would you do if your best friend turned gay? hmm, who knows!

91. Is your hair naturally curly or straight? straight.

92. Do you drink tea? ych a fi!

93. How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries? mmmm!

94. Do you currently have feelings for anybody? yes.

95. Have you ever stripped for money? What!?! NO!

95. Ever kissed someone with the letters c, a, s,b,d, q, or j as their first initial? yes.

97. in 2 days, where will you be? in Cardiff!

98. Do you think you are a good person? 'For not one is good'

99. Who are your favourite people? they know who they are ;)

100. What is the time? 17.28

Dear john Freda (letter no.2)

2010-11-23T09:20:00.000Z

I have been addicted to you beautiful blondes shampoo ever since getting my first highlights. Your products make my hair so shiny and smooth and never disappoint. But, and this is a huge but, you need to sort out the fragrances, seriously I don't know if I can deal with the smell of tea so early in the morning, especially as I don't even drink tea. A bit of honey and lemon juice never hurt anyone ya know! Thing is, I've discovered Tigi's 'dumb blonde' shampoo and though my hair goes a tiny bit dry, it smells amazing- like strawberry and meringue. And it lathers so thick that I actually look like a meringue for a few seconds. I feel bad I betrayed you, especially since I have been faithful so long, but the tea thing is starting to get to me now!

I really hope that you resolve this matter quickly, as my bank account is urging me to stay loyal to you and not splurge on my lust for bedhead products.

Many thanks,
Nat

It's written in the stars...

2010-11-18T16:08:00.003Z

I love singing at the top of my lungs in the car, it feels good, and provides entertainment for the guy in the car next to me at the traffic lights. I'm good like that. Today's tune my radar picked up on was 'written in the stars' by Tinie Tempah (whose temper is anything but tiny if you ask me!) As I was bopping along, I grasped hold of the chorus-

Oh, written in the stars
A million miles away
A message to the main
Ooooh
Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I'm on my way

You know what's written in the stars a million miles away don't you? Only God's greatness! Only his splendour and mystique and a bit of his awesomeness!

'The heavens tell of the glory of God. The skies display his marvelous craftsmanship. Day after Day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known.They speak without a sound or a word; their voice is silent in the skies; yet their message has gone out to all the earth, and their words to all the world.' Psalm 19:1-4

God's message is the main one, it's gone out to all the earth- it's written in the skies! It's a mesage of consistency; 'seasons come and go but I will never change'- that yesterday, today and forever, He is the samee, He never changes- 'Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.' Hebrews 13:8 In a world where nothing is steadfast and consistent, it's refreshing to hear those words.

The verse then says 'Since the day I thought of that cunning plan
One day I had a dream I tried to chase it
But I wasn't going nowhere,a running man!'

And that, is what it will feel like if we are living only to our own agenda and for our own purposes, we can be running and running, living life a hundred miles an hour and getting absolutely nowhere at all. If we live out our lives for God, we havenm't even got to chase our dreams and desires, we just have to realise them and put God first, everything else will just slot right into place. 'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart' Psalm 37:4 He won't give us everything we want but he will give us everything we desire, and will not withold it from us for 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick' proverbs 13:12

You don't need a plan, you don't need a man, Look up! It's written in the stars, a million miles away...

Better than 'bucks!

2010-11-18T09:36:00.002Z

I just read this awesome post by Lindsee. It toally inspired me to write this. She is such a great writer and the girls that she leads so well are blessed indeed to have such a sweet heart serving them...

I've not long got back from our town's Christmas light 'switch on', anyone who knows me will tell you that if there is anything remotely festive going on, I WILL be there! I'm sure it was busier than last year, and I'm sure there were more hoardes of 'hoodies' than ever, and I'm sure that if I'm noticing such things, then I am definately a little less 'cool' than last year. But, I'm okay with that! Anyway, thankfully the rain held off, but oh my goodness, it would not be an exaggeratoin to say it was freezing cold! In the name of christmas cheer, I stood in my stilletto boots for about 40minutes waiting for the lights to twinkle and do their thing. I kid you not, I could not feel my toes for the entire time! Finally the countdown started and the crowd applauded and oohed and ahhhed at all the gorgeous lights. It was beautiful, and magical and everything I love about this time of year. Our kids were pointing and giggling and were in wonderment of the whole ordeal. And, as my hubby passed me a tall peppermint coffee in one of those famous red cups, I remembered why we were doing this. The combination of the heat from the cup and the caffeine shot was like the best feeling ever after being so cold and 'blah' for the last hour. I don't even think buying new shoes or getting a massage would've compared to the bliss I felt!

It got me thinking though, that my sweet coffee hit totally met my needs at that moment. Totally. I was cold, thirsty and lethargic. The coffee was hot, strong and sweet. Perfect formula, except, that not even an hour later and I'm back to square one- cold, thrsty, lethargic. I'm not slating starbucks in any shape or form here, 'cause I'm all for the hype myself- the coffee is good, the cups are cool and you're cool if you drink them. I'm just saying that, there's something better. And, no, it's not costa coffee or cafe nero! It's Jesus. Jesus is better than starbucks. Jesus is better than a double shot with two sugars. Jesus is better than a gingerbread latte. Jesus is better than a momentary pleasure. Jesus is just better! Jesus said that 'those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again.' He will not leave you high and dry! You will never feel dissatisfied after an encounter with the Lord and it'll more than likely give you a bigger buzz than any coffee could deliver! 'But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul'.Deutoronomy 4:29 Seek him out, find him and be satisfied!

Weekend Roundup

2010-11-16T14:24:00.003Z

As always, there is no other way to recap our weekend than with a kinda list format, I have far too much to say, and otherwise it would just turn out completely mish-mashed.

Saturday:

I got brave and took the girls to meet Tim in town after he had finished work. The carparks were crazy, but instead of stressing me out, it got me all excited that it's very nearly Christmas! When we eventually found a space, we got bundled up and took a stroll around the shops, enjoying the christmas music but not the christmas busy-ness! Tim bought us lunch and then I got to style him up, with his birthday cash! I picked out some extremely fit things for him to wear, and we found the most perfect coat for him to wear Christmas shopping. Unfortunately, the price tag meant it stayed in the store and not on my husband, but hey.
Saturday evening, we did church, and it was absolutely fantastic! Seriously, I think anybody who stays home to watch the x-factor on a Saturday instead of getting some truth sopken into their lives, is just plain bonkers! We left feeling challenged and loved. Then we got home just in time to make the house cozy for our weekend visitor - Auntie Kel. We got to have some grown-up chatting time, since the girls were already asleep, and we lay on the floor by the fire laughing until late. It was the closest thing to our 15yr old slumber parties we could've gotten. She is such a blessing to me, and it is sooo good for my soul to spend some time with her when she's in the country.

Sunday

The girls woke up nice and early and were thrilled to find somebody sleeping on the sofa! We all ate a hearty bacon breakfast and got dressed to go to church. I am extra exciteable when I get to go to church with not only my family, but my BFF too. I have prayed so long for her and last time she stayed over, she met with our Pastor and finally surrendered to Jesus. Isn't it just like our Jesus to exceed our expectations? I am so excited to see what God has in store for her life!
So, Sunday morning Tim and I got to testify God's goodness at the service. That in itself was honey to me- to stand next to the man I love and declare how good the God we love has been to us. Yes, sometimes it's been tough, but He is always so so faithful. That morning I got to see a side of my husband I didn't even know existed. As he spoke with great honesty, and the confidence only God could've given him, I fell a little more in love with him, and a little more in awe of God. Obviously, I thought Tim was the bees knees (wouldn't have married him otherwise!) and I remember thinking as a newlywed 'Yeah, I picked a good one!', but with hindsight I know I didn't really 'pick' him at all. Our story was meticulously planned from the beginning, and as more pages turn and chapters get written, our characters strengthen and our hearts get fuller.
Sunday night, I visited my Grandma who was in hospital fighitng off a nasty infection. The doctors and surgeons told her she was 'lucky' she caught it in time or things could've been a lot worse. As we walked the corridor to see her, my mum told me she was tired of being 'in the furnace' for so long, if it's not one thing to worry about, it's another. I told her that she may be in the furnace but that at least the heat hadn't been cranked up seven times (as King Nebuchanezer did!), we were pretty cool all things considered. As we reached the ward, my Gran told us of the lady in the bed opposite being told she had 2nd stage cancer that same morning. Our furnace was a lot cooler than hers, and the bittersweet moment seared through me for a second. I came home and hugged my husband extra tight and kissed my children more than usual.

Monday

We got to spend a lazy morning with Auntie Kel in the house, watching disney films and dancing around and generally enjoying each other. We ate chips and full-fat coca cola and talked about christmas and childhood. It was a sweet day. But, as night fell, it was time to say goodbye to our sweet friend for another few weeks. The children loved on her loads before she left, it was so cute! That evening, my super macho husband convinced me that a kitten would be beneficial to our household. Our ginger friend will be taking up residence by the weekend. I'm a bit nervous about our leather furniture getting scratched and very anxious about it ruining my shaggy rug. Some might say I'm 'precious' about our things, I just don't think I'm too much a cat person really. He is super excited about it all though, we are currently trying to agree on a name, I think Oliver and he thinks 'Tiger'. He can try and be macho with a name all he likes, but let's face it, at the end of the day, he's the one who wanted a sweet, fluffy kitten in the first place. One day he's all motorbikes and Football and the next he's squealing about a baby cat. He's so fickle, bless his heart!

A long time coming

2010-11-03T13:47:00.002Z

About four months ago, I noticed that my engagememnt ring was starting to break, thankfully I caught it before losing the diamond, and I immediately took it off and put it somewhere safe. I got a bit sad and sappy that it was worn down and missed wearing it, but because we had a billion other things to purchase in the meantime ,(one being a new washing machine!) it got pushed further and further down the list and never got done. Last week, I couldn't take it any longer! I took it straight to the guy who created my wedding band and asked him to re-build the diamond setting and re-dip my wedding band.

It got me thinking though about how marraige can be the same as my ring! Now and again I get all dramatic and think that if I don't get some quality, child-free time with my husband ASAP, I will actually go crazy. Interrupted dinner conversations to: take your toddler to toilet, replay a dvd for the hundreth time or drink make-believe coffee, will sometimes make you get like that. Don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly and adore being a Mammy, and know that some women who don't have children, would give their right arm to be interrupted at dinner by a messy haired three year old, but sometimes it can wear you down.

Great thing about it is though, that even stealing just two or three hours with my hubby will refill my love tank and put everything into perspective again. Ha! In fact, most date nights we usually end up talking about how cute/funny/amazing our little cuties are! But, when you notice a little bit of wear and tear in your marraige, it's best to address and fix it straight away, Date nights are so important.

Anyway, back to the rings. I picked them up this morning and put them on immediately, I have so missed my gorgeous rock. Every girl needs some sparkle! And now I feel good, my rings are restored, I am refreshed and all is well.

Tickly Shots

2010-10-28T22:19:00.002+01:00

This morning, I got to be the one who took Courtney for her pre-school shots at the doctors. I was more than a little anxious about taking her, since I knew she would have to have one in her right arm and then sit through it all again for her left arm, poor baby. We had a fantastic nurse though who told Courtney what was going to happen (and showed her the powder tunring into pink liquid-which was pretty neat!) and then gently and super speedily got it over with before Courtney could count to three. Courtney was quite surprised that we'd told her the needle might hurt, and respinded with:

'That didn't hurt me mummy, that actually tickled me!'

And after recieving a packet of buttons from the kind nurse,she ran off down the hallway to go check out the toy selection in the waiting room. I silently thanked the Lord for being so gracious and got to reading 'Thomas and the lost christmas tree' as quietly as I could to my girl, who was bemused to why I was 'whispering'. I couldn't answer her, I've no idea why everyone whispers in doctor's waiting rooms! Maybe it's so the receptionists can hear themselves on the phone, or maybe it's in case the sick people waiting have headaches? At least that's the only excuses I could come up with!

I was so proud of my girl though- she did absolutely fantastic, especially since the little boy who went in after Courtney for his jabs screamed the place down! Poor boy! We've been dosing her up on calpol and she was absolutely fine until about 3 'o' clock this afternoon, when her arm started to ache and she became quite tearful. Still, was nothing that 'Ben and Holly' and a cwtch on the sofa couldn't fix. I love how everything in a toddler's world is made better by a cuddle from mammy and some chocolate.

Sometimes it just takes some TLC

2010-10-26T14:49:00.003+01:00

So, it's starting off to be a 'strange' week around the Smith household. I've been feeling a bit out of whack and just kinda tired, like I need to have a word with myself and get it together, but it just isn't happening. I had some errands to do in Pontypool this morning, and of course, it rained the whole time. I was thankful that my Mam kept the girls whilst I went and ~~got soaked~~ did what I needed to do. The time alone was refreshing though, I walked through the town with messed up soggy hair and nothing in my head except the refrain of worship music I'd just played in the car. It was a big change to the 'Mam! Mam! Mam!' I'd heard all morning. And instead of rushing around with a pushchair to distract me, I got to look around at the awesome fiery colours of fall, and it was good for my soul to just 'be' in that moment. Isn't it amazing how the Lord knows just what we need and when we need it- in admist grey office buildings and dreary rainclouds, I saw this:

Sometimes the monotany of day-to-day life starts to look a bit dull and grey- I have spent nearly all morning correcting table manners, tones of voice and refereeing sibling fueds. I am very close to being fed up of hearing my own voice, and yet there is always something that brings some colour into things. It might be something as little as a spontaneous 'I love you mammy' from your adorable three year old, or it might be something as big as a huge tree full of the splendour of autumn,there is always something to be thankful for...

Things are about to get a lot worse for that tree! Not only will it have to withstand the harsh winter weather, but it's pride, along with it's leaves, will soon be stripped right back. There will be nothing left but bare branches, vulnerability and seemingly no vitality. We're like that tree, some days will strip us right back to bare branches and leave us feeling totally vulnerable to life's everyday rainstorms. And, yet there is hope. Because in just a few months time, the once bare tree will break forth in new life- lush green leaves, full branches and glorious stature. It will even provide respite and shade for people needing to rest from the blazing sun. Likewise, there is reason and meaning to every season we experience in our lives. Sometimes, we need to lose our leaves and become vulnerable, so that the trials that we walk through can one day, provide comfort and shade to others walking the same path.

'We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.'
2 corinthians 4:9

Diamonds

2010-10-08T18:10:00.001+01:00

Diamond comes from the greek word adámas which means ''unbreakable, proper or inalterable' - the very things we become when we walk in line with what God has already ordained over our lives.'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose... What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:28-31We are Jesus' diamonds! Unbreakable, becuase if God is for us, Who can be against us!

Diamonds are special becasue of four main reasons, firstly, the 'carat' of the diamond- this is the total mass of actual diamond contained in a piece of jewellary. Very small diamonds are measured by GDW points but larger diamonds are usually quarter carat, half carat or full carat. This represents how much of our lives we really let Jesus have. Do we only give him a quarter of ourselves- the moments spent in prayer and meditation, times of reflection, church services? Or do we give him a full carat- do we worship and glorfiy him through our everyday lives, in all that we do and think and say? Are we giving him just some of our time and talents or are we holding back and just 'doing what we've always done'? Do we only let people see we love Jesus at church, or is it eveident in the things we say at school and work aswell? Being a christian demands your whole lifestyle, we shouldn't ever try and contain being a Christian to a Sunday!

Next, is the 'clarity', this measures the 'internal defects' of a diamond. The grading scale used goes from flawless to imperfect, but God reverses this for his diamonds- through being saved by Him, we go from imperfect to flawless! He's the only way we can sort out our 'internal defects'- the state of our heart, the shame of sin, the way we think. There may be things in our lives that, to our human way of thinking, would make us seem more like coal than diamonds! Things which we've said or done that are unforgiveable, yet, that is exactly what Jesus does-'If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness' (1 John 1:9) He forgives us from all sin. I'm gonna type that again, 'cause I want you to hear and feel it - ALL sin! When we are cleansed from all of our unrighteousness and are instead covered by His righteousness then we no longer need to fret about our 'internal defects.'

Another characterisation of diamonds, is their 'colour'- most diamonds have a slightly white or yellow tint and are graded as such, but the best ones are transparent, totally see through. We need to be transparent Christians. We need to be honest and we need to be real. Yes, there will be times when we struggle, and that's okay. The world, our communities, this generation, doesn't need to see a bunch of religious church goers who wear false smiles and appear to be 'perfect' - that just makes being a follower of Jesus seem unrealistic to people who society have already branded as 'imperfect'- people in dark places, people struggling to take a grip of their bad decisions, bad choices and poor circumstances. What these people need is to see us living out life in line with the gospel. They need to see practical evangelism, they need to see the sparkle in our eyes and the zesty way we approch life with confidence, they need to see our Hope! Making ourselves transparent will point the glory towards Jesus - it's like, picture a really, really dirty window, so thick with dust you can't even see the really bright sun shine in from outside. Then imagine you wipe that dirt and dust and grime away...sudenly the sunshine is so bright you have to squint your eyes. We need to be the clean transparent window, making it easy for people to see Jesus right through us!

My last point, is the diamond's 'cut'. The term 'cut' describes the way a diamond has been shaped and polished from its beginning as a rough stone to its final gem proportions. This is exactly where we need to be as Christians! Before we were saved by Jesus Christ, we were rough stones, some more than others, but we were all jagged, rough, dusty stones that appeared anything but beautiful and valuable. But, once we give Jesus our hearts, the shaping and polishing process can begin. First we are polished with the blood of Jesus Christ and then we begin the shaping process in our journey of faith. Sometimes we try and do things our way and when we realise it doesn't work, we come back to God in repentence This is when some of our pride gets chipped off. When we go through hard and 'testing' times, we become vulnerable and fully reliant upon Him, and again some of us gets chipped off. God's way isn't aways easy, but it is always right. We need to stay close to Him at all times, in all circumstances. We will inevitably be chipped and shaped, and we won't always like it, but it will all be to His glory. God's workmanship is of the highest standard there is, and all of his diamonds are so, so precious to him.-It doesn't matter where we are in our journey of faith, we need to remember that, as Pastor Kenny Brandie says, ' God's not finished with us yet!'

Sisters

2010-10-07T14:34:00.002+01:00

Have sleepovers

Watch funny TV programmes together

And hold hands on long car journeys

Sisters = sweetness!

Butter wouldn't melt...

2010-09-30T10:52:00.000+01:00

Everything about this picture of our youngest daughter screams
serenity. Even the t shirt reads 'goody two shoes'. It's totally the
calm before the storm though- she is as fiesty as they come! Just love
this picture so much though, as everbody say she looks like her daddy,
and here she's even adopted his sleeping pose! Ha!

And yes, that is probably either melted chocolate or marker on her
arm, I let it go though, I'm a good mommy like that. Well, that, and I
didn't dare wipe it off in case it woke her...

Teenage dreams

2010-09-28T15:17:00.003+01:00

I caught myself singing along to Katy Perry's 'teenage dream' in the car this morning, and was annoyed at myself for getting caught up in the tune. It's catchy and cool, and I can't really say I don't like the music, but the words? Now that's a whole other ball game. It's romantically selling lies to us! And more importnantly, selling lies to an entire generation that is already known for seeking out love in all the wrong places. The media is not helping.

To be fair, miss Perry's song starts well 'You think I'm pretty without any makeup on, you think I'm funny when I tell the punchline wrong...' but it all goes wrong when she sings about how the guy she's just met has 'brought her to life again' because before she met him, life was 'kinda heavy'. What?! I only left school about 6 years ago, and no teenage guy I knew had resurrection power or the ability to care about anyone else's problems except their own. It's quite unlikely that they've evolved so much in a short space of time. The only one with real ressurection power to really bring anyone to life again, is Jesus Christ, and things weighed 'kinda heavy' for him too, so that it wouldn't weigh on us, so that 'if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed' john 8:36
The second lie in this song is that a high school boyfriend could be the bit of you that's missing, the thing that completes you and makes you whole- the 'missing puzzle peice' as she sings. Uh, hello? Firstly in this age of fierce feminism, is that even plausible that a girl needs a guy to complete her? Of course not! There is however a void in even the most content heart that can only be filled with the knowledge that you are loved, forgiven and accepted. The security of salvation is the only thing that can bridge any gap in your heart. So many people now look to fill it with everything but God! They'll try intimate relationships, alcohol, drugs, violence, materialism, vanity, but nothing will work! Nothing! A hopeless generation is only that because it knows not where to find true hope. They do not know the power of the cross, yet they are swayed by the lies of the media. We need to realise that that is exactly what they are, lies. We're lied to everywhere we look - adverts on billboards that paint unrelasitic pictures of how women should look, TV shows that make out it's acceptable to dabble in drugs or be promiscuous. Lies, lies, lies! It's therefore even more important that we recognise the lies and 'take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.' 2 Corinthians 10:5

Is this what we want the 'teenage dream' to be- Do we want to be girls whose only aim is to look good in skinny jeans and be lusted after? Surely, finding our true purpose in life and securing our salvation is something better to aspire to? I'm not saying that looking after yourself isn't important, but come on, we can be fitties with a bit of substance behind us aswell! We will act, according to the state of our heart, in proverbs 23, it says 'For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he', in order to be of substance, we have to think with substance....'whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things' phillippians 4:8

Builder or Bulldozer?

2010-09-26T20:04:00.002+01:00

It might come to no surprise to you that my love language is words- I love getting letters, phonecalls, texts or emails. I like to go out for dinner and talk until the food is almost cold, I like to talk to people and I like to listen aswell. When my love tank looks the way my petrol guage does nearly all the time - on red, I know I need to fill up, and I know where to go to get a full tank. I look for encouragements and positive words and attitudes.

Someone once told me that it takes TEN positive comments to cancel out one negative one. TEN. That's a lot! Wonder why that is? Is it becasue we really believe that one negative remark, or is that we nurture it until it grows so big that it cancels out the positive? I'm guilty of doing it, we probably all are, being hurt and hurting others by what we say is age old! That said, so is the gift of encouragemnet.

In James it says 'If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.' We need to watch what we say and how we say it. We need what comes out of our mouths to be in line with what we believe and hope for. We need to stay away from the conversations that are negative, that are not honourable and that are destructive. Words hold a lot of power. Power that can do a lot of good, but also power that can hurt, it says in proverbs 12 that 'Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.' The Words that roll of your tongue are as painful as a stab wound, folks, that's a lot of power to hold in such a little muscle!

Do you build up with what you say? Or do you bull-doze people down? Do you fill up people's tanks or ciphen off their supply with your gossip and negativity? Encouragement is contagious, it's like smiling. If someone flashes a genuine smile at me, I almost always send one right back. The same principle applies with encouraging words, I don't mean just sychophantic flattery and empty compliments, but genuine encouragment. When I'm feeling spurred on by someone or something, I tell them! Because I know just how much I'm spurred on when I get told.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says 'Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.'

Always, Sometimes, Never

2010-09-17T21:51:00.002+01:00

I Always

- drink an ice cold diet coke as soon as I get up.

- wear eyeliner and mascara

- sing really, REALLY loudly in the car.

- dance to 'boogie beebies' in the mornings with the girls. Showtime is 8.45 folks.

- entwine myself around Tim before I go to sleep.

- check on my babies before I go to sleep.

- use real vannila extract in my cupcakes.

- get Over excited about Christmas and anything remotely Christmas related.

- get to be the one who takes the empty toilet roll out and replace it with a new one. Gifted, I tell you.

- tell Tim that I love him.

-make time for my friends.

- wake Tim up so that he doesn't oversleep for work.

- Have ice-cube feet.

I Sometimes...

- wish my hair was auburn

- wonder what happened to actual gentlemen. Seriously, where'd they go?

- wake up humming... mostly hannah montannah or fireman sam.

- wish I was a secretary so that I could buy 'work' clothes and wear french pleats every day.

- over-dress on purpose.

- look at 'dream' houses on the internet and then remember we can't afford them.

- write letters to people but never actually send them.

- eat fast food twice in one day.

- drink black coffee with two sugars, and occasionally espresso.

- wear flat shoes, but always feel under-dressed in them. Even the pretty ones.

- wish I liked tea so that I could justify buying a gorgeous teaset.

- get eyelash extensions just because.

- let Tim take reign of the kitchen to cook.

- wear mittens in fall :)

I Never...

- get up as soon as the alarm goes off. the snooze button is there for a reason people!

- buy full sized yankee candles.

- go anywhere near spiders.

- watch storms. I'm usually too busy hiding under a blanket or something.

- eat seafood.

- read veggietales without doing the accent for the frech peas.

- clean the oven.

- eat cheese, cream, butter, mayo or milk.

I am a...

2010-09-09T16:52:00.001+01:00

-Wife

-Mammy

-Daughter

-Sister

- Follower of Jesus

- blogger

-friend

- Recovering shoe addict.

I'm still working on the last one...

The day I have dreamt of since my sweet 16th

2010-09-03T17:26:00.000+01:00

For my 16th birthday a few friends at school bought me the new
'cinderella barbie' because it had shoes identicle to the ones I'd
sported at a recent house party. I was kinda reknowned for my love of
stilettos ever since comprehensive school. Anyway that barbie got
pride place on top of my closet for 8years because I wanted to give it
to my future daughter to play with and enjoy.

That day was today folks. I got a little emotional actually, not about
the barbie as such, but because the desires of my young heart had come
to fruition. This was the day I hoped and dreamed of. Having a
beautiful daughter to play barbie dolls with.

As I showed courtney how to slip the stilettos and tiara on and off,
she said to me:

'You had a tee-arra on you married day mummy!'

I said 'That's right babe.'

'I'm gonna have a tee-arra on my married day, and a pink dress just
like barbie's!!'

'Sounds beautiful honey, who are you going to marry?'

'Just barbie, and we will be matching!'

Hah this moment was better than I'd ever imagined, isn't it just like
our Jesus to exceed our expectations! Hallelujah!

Adorable.

2010-08-30T22:00:00.002+01:00

I know that everybody thinks their kids are the cutest kid on the block and all, but I have to show you these pictures...

And...

I am in love!

I was like baby, baby, baby, ooooh

2010-08-28T14:31:00.003+01:00

Courtney :

You are 3 years 3months old, and you like to...

- watch movies and dance to ANY song that may be on it. Right now you love the musicla 'Annie'.

- brush your hair with your talking hairbrush so that you hear 'your hair is wonderful!' 'You look just like a princess!' about a kazillion times a day.

-play babies with your dolls and your sister. When Caitlin is particularly co-operative, you put her in the doll pram and walk her around.

- eat apples. And oranges. And bananas. And grapes. And any fruit at all for that matter, especially blueberries, which you call 'boo-berries'.

-be complimented on your dresses, your hair and your 'ballet' dancing. In response to said compliments, you always say 'I know.'

- to play hide and seek with your sister and my curtains.

- have your nails painted pink when Mammy does hers.

- to eat dessert and then dinner.

You do not like...

-to get out of the bath, or the swimming pool, or come in from puddle-jumping.

- potatoes, unless they are chipped or raosted - 'crispy potatoes'

- the fact that your daddy has to work, since you 'miss him ALL the time!!'

- Being told what to do.

-Mammy helping you with anything. You are fiercly independant, you clever girl!

- Being quiet!

Caitlin, you are 1 year and 10months old.

You like to...

- run away when it is time to change your nappy, then laugh hysterically when Mammy catches you.

- Eat! Seriously, you must have my appetite. You pretty much graze all day- cheerios, biscuits, fruit, yoghurts, quavers, toast are all 'snacks' in your world. But, you love dinner-time just as much and sometimes even climb up onto courtney's chair to finish hers when yours is all gone!

- play with Mammy's make up when you really shouldn't! This week, you got hold of my 'benefit' dandelion blush and painted your face and my cream carpets with it. The week before you drew on your eyes with eyeliner. I am a little impressed you knew where to put each product but a little mad that you wrecked my make up bag!! Though it is hard to stay mad at you when your gorgeous little puppy dog eyes come into play and you stretch out your chubby little hands for a cuddle.

- Pick which yoghurts we buy at the store. At the moment it is always a tough choice between squeezy strawberries or muller crunch.
ou

- be tickeled until mammy is crying with laughter at you laughing. Your chuckle is the sweetest little sound and you make me so happy!

- do everything that Courtney does and play with every toy that she plays with. You are almost as tall as Courtney and therefore think that you are not the little sister and are allowed 'big girl toys' Courtney doesn't always agree with you!

- have a bath. After dinner, you run to get a clean nappy and hand it to me saying ' a bar! a bar!' which means that you want to be bathed. I don't really mind though, since the smell of your baby skin all lavender fresh still makes my heart skip a beat sometimes.

- Guys! Seriously, you flirt with them of all ages- 3-93!! You LOVE your Daddy, your 'Bumpi', your 'Ga-Ga' (Grandad) and your uncles and whenever they leave, you get your shoes and coat in the hope that you can leave with them too.

You don't like...

- the fact you are not supposed to drink diet coke, and stomp your foot when mammy or Daddy say 'no' or 'that's enough'. I take full responsibility for this downfall since I think that they might just as well of IV'd diet coke through me whilst I was carrying you!

- it when Courtney gets to stay up later than you, and have somehow managed to convince her to want to go to bed at the same time as you. We're good friends, you and me Caty-chops!

- to keep your drinks in your cup. You spill your juice at least once a day and then come running to the kitchen to get a towel and then throw it on the floor saying 'uh-oh, uh-oh, a mess!'

- people trying to talk to you when you are watching Elmo, the Bee Movie, Peppa Pig or Brum.

-Staying indoors. You love to run around and climb and just generally be outside. Although you do pretty well at shopping, which I guess combines the ebst of both worlds!

-Mummy going to work. You yelled and yelled the one morning, and I felt so guilty about leaving you so sad that it prompted my decision to resign. I'm home now baby, and you don't ever have to cry like that agian, okay?!

You know you have toddlers when...

2010-08-26T13:25:00.003+01:00

- you go to get your money outta your purse at the checkout and instead of money, you find, half eaten cheddars, broken crayons and a fruit wind-up.

- you come out of the laundry room to see that your youngest child is indulging her girlishness by compretely wrecking your £22 benefit blush and is painting your cream carpet with it.

- the first thing you're made to do in the mornings is put tiny wellies onto tiny feet even though you have no intention of going out for at least another four hours.

-you find playdough in your shaggy rug.

-you go to take a sip of coke and realise your child ahs gotten there before you, because, look! there's something floating in it!

- yoghurts become a main food-group.

- nutella sandwiches become a main foodgroup.

- you are woken up at 6.15 by a whisper that says 'mi-mi, mi-mi!' and your heart just about melts.

- you wish naptime would last just five more minutes.

- your normally well behaved children have a complete meltdown in the middle of town centre and everybody glares at you.

- you spend more of your time in the day laughing and playing than disciplining.

I may have said it before, but I love this age (tantrums and make-up destroying, aside) in just two more weeks Courtney starts nursery school. She is excited, I am nervous but excited for her too. I have so far avoided trying on her uniform as I fear I might just cry, hope it fits! Here's to soaking her up for the rest of the summer!

Dr. Google

2010-08-12T14:14:00.002+01:00

It's been a rough week guys. I've been feeling pretty weak and ill since about last Friday, and it has not been fun. I nearly fainted at work last Sunday, and I am pretty much no good for anyone or anything whilst I am feeling like this. I'm sure I have been a complete joy to be around! I am completely exhausted and I guess that I have exhausted my lovely hubby too, bless his heart!

But, seriously, how many trips to the doctor's does it take to get a diagnosis people! I have seen one nurse and two doctors and none of them seem to have a specific reason or answer for the sharp stomach pains, nausea and feeling so weak and faint. I will have some bloodowrk done tomorrow to see if that sheds any light, because so far other tests have not.

My ever-wise mother, has googled my symptoms (even though I banned her from using google a hundred times) and is almost certain it is aneamia, which apparently you can have for months with no symptoms at all, and then when the levels get stupidly low you get all kinds of mean things. However, it is a little baffling why the docs haven't done bloodwork sooner if they thought that a little iron would rectify everything. I am trying my hardest not to worry right now, but the longer things go on, the more my mind freaks out.

Dr. google also threw a lot of other scarier diagnosis at me, but I am trying to completely blank those out!

So, the lesson here is : Do NOT google your symptoms (even if your doctors are frustrating you!) Instead, get in the word and ignore the ironing ;)

'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.' Phillippians 4:6

Cravings

2010-08-01T20:46:00.002+01:00

I is 8.47pm and my husband just requested me to make cinnamon rolls. I love him and everything, but is he crazy?! I got out of it by playing the 'I've been working today!' card, and promised to make some tomorrow in time for fresh cappacinno time.

I, on the other hand am having a bit of a debate with myself about where my loyalties lie. You see, I am a diet Coke girl through and through, but for some strange unknown reason I am finding it hard to not give into temptation and be unfaithful with a can of full sugar Dr. Pepper. I know that I should resist the extra calories, but I'm really craving the sweet, fruity taste. It's a slippery slope though, I know that if I get a taste for the sweet stuff, it'll be hard to go back to Diet version again. I'm thinking I should just get into espresso's and get the caffeine hit in about three mouthfuls. Job done. But, let's face it, its not going to happen.

And, since we're talking about food, I made some blueberry muffins as a breakfast treat this week, and was quite frankly, more than a tad disappointed with how they turned out. My awesome baby girls totally bigged me up though- Caitlin ate two straight away and said 'mmm' and Courtney said 'I like deese, deese are lovely and healthy and fresh.' Love them!

Sometimes.

2010-07-26T21:32:00.002+01:00

Sometimes, I get a bit of the old 'writer's block', and even though I want to write, I can't seem to word it correctly. Now, is one of those times. I guess you have already gathered therefore that this post will take the list format!

Sometimes, I eat a LOT of chocolate instead of working out.

Sometimes, I eat Mcdonalds whilst my husband is working out.

Sometimes, I feel guilty about that same Mcdonalds and order a diet coke, just in time to salvage a couple of calories.

Sometimes, I want to buy poptarts when I do the grocery shopping, just because they are unhealthy and I remember thinking when I was about 10 that 'when I grow up and have to shop, I will buy those for breakfast EVERY morning.'

Sometimes, I feel like I am just a 'pretend' grown up.

Sometimes, I wonder why I write about food so much! Ha!

Sometimes, I go and try all of my dresses on just becasue I feel like being 'girly'. It takes a long time, and mostly Tim thinks I'm crazy, but he tells me how much he loves how I look in each one! He is a good husband like that.

Sometimes I would like to be american. This one has multiple points- I could have lucky charms for breakfast, I could get manicures without feeling like I'm overindulging, I would live someplace sunny and I would know what a sorority group really entails and most likely be in one. Plus, they get n'sisterhood' and girls sticking together :)

Sometimes, I wish I was even just a tiny bit into sports. I can play rounders pretty good (aside from the fact I never hit the ball!) and can even stretch to netball. Anything else is wasted on me. Though I did play football at school, for the boys team, might I add. Yes, I made the shinpads look fabulous, and no, they never let me play actual matches- in case I got 'hurt'. In hindisght, it was probably for the best.

Sometimes I think I want to be a hairdresser, and sometimes I think I would like to own a cupcake boutique. Other times I would do well at event-planning. What shall I be when I grow up?

Sometimes my lack of knowledge concerning Geography is quite frankly, shocking. I know that Wales is NOT in England, and I know that Italy looks like a giant stiletto boot. And, unfortunately, my knowledge is very limited beyond that. Like, is Mexico a country or a state?

Sometimes I think of random titles that I should rename the post I'm typing... This one could be 'Random facts about Nat: Summer edition 1.'

Caitlin's first time-out

2010-07-16T19:00:00.000+01:00

Today, my creative one, caitlin got a tad too artistic with a
ballpoint pen that she managed to get hold of. When confiscating the
di-di didn't work, it was time for the naughty chair!

She was almost too cute to carry it through, but I was detirmined not
to give in this time, but seriously, look at that pout!

Laundry.

2010-07-12T20:31:00.002+01:00

That's right people, I am dedicating an entire post to laundry, because, yes, I am that exciting.

Okay, my first laundry-related point being that my washing machine has died. It performs a little 'blow-up' everytime we turn it on and then it trips all our switches. I could not have been sadder, since my fluffy white towels were in mid-wash when it happened, and they were stuck in there! They have finally been released by my awesome 'fix-it' hubby, but they don't smell great, at all, and the new machine won't get here 'til Friday.

Which brings me to my next point, do NOT buy a washer/dryer combo machine people! Apparently they have a lifespan of about 5years according to how much you use it. Hello? IT is a laundry machine! It WILL get used daily!! Honestly! Since I was a new home-maker when we purchased our old faithful, I did not know this information and went and bought a washer/dryer. It was awesome for washing and drying baby girl onesies in like an hour but took forever to dry towels. That said, the beloved towels always smelt and felt heavenly.

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of money on this:

The revelutionary designed Indesit 'Moon' washing machine.

I admit that the sleek design sucked me in. The powder and detergent compartments are inside the door, how cool is that!? IT self cleans so that you don't wind up with powder scum. And, to turn it on you just literally touch two buttons and your clothes get cleaneed. Anything that makes laundry easier is a bonus in my books. Oh, it's also much more energy efficient than our current one. Score!

In celebration of my new glossy revelutionary washer, I've found a very fabulous fabric conditioner to try out -lenor Infusions. The gold one. I think it may be lotus flower and diamond. Anyway, it looks pretty luxe and smells good too.

Of course, I'd much rather go and spend that much money on a thousand other things, than a washing machine, but with two messy little people living here, and one daddy who plays a lot of football, it was a necessary purchase.

And that, concludes my enthralling post on Laundry. Thank you and Goodnight.

Lessons in Grace

2010-07-08T22:56:00.003+01:00

This evening, whilst my huhsband was out at a stag night for a guy he met through church football, I was planning some good old-fashioned 'me-time'. It was to include uninterrupted TV time for the soaps and then a long hot soak in the tub before poring through 'Your Home'magazine in bed. I bathed and put the girls to bed by their usual bedtime and all was looking set to go to my plan, until my husband kissed me goodbye and I heard giggles from upstairs.

Upon investigation, the giggles were from a certain little monkey who had pulled every book from the book corner out, and every item from both wardobe shelves out, in one big, giant mess on the floor that seperates the two beds. I calmly told them that it was naughty and mammy was sad, and placed them back to bed. Then, when the giggles and getting out of bed wouldn't stop, I threatened no 'sweets or chocolate' for tomorrow. It worked for all of about, five minutes or so. I was distinctly outnumbered and overwhelmed, there were clothes EVERYWHERE and as quickly as I was sorting one shelf out, my youngest was pulling another out. To my shame, I did not handle it well. I'd spent all day cleaning and tidying and it had been worthless! It took just five minutes to undo the hours of work I'd put in. I was cross and disappointed, and the selfish streak in me was annoyed at missing 'coronation street'. And so, as I felt my eyes filling up, I left the room to go and call my mam. I'm sure I was not this much hard work when I was two and three! She confirmed I was doing the right thing in telling them no treats tomorrow and with my confidence back, I returned. Only to find the same mess as before. I remained stern and rallied them back to their own beds, and this time issued a 'no more talking' warning. And, as time went on, more and more nice treats were added to the list of 'you will not have....tomorrow.'

That was an hour ago. I have just checked on them in their spotless bedroom, and they are both sleeping angelically. It made me want to cry for being so harsh with them, but I know they have to learn that I am their authority figure at this stage in their life and that they cannot do wrong things, but at the same time, know that I love them unconditionally and that I always will.

I can already feel my heart softening towards them again as I hear faint snoring coming from their room next-door to mine. I know that their beaming faces tomorrow morning will soften my harsh threats and will make me want to give them the things that they want. I know that they will want morning TV on, and I know that they will want chocolate as a snack at some point, but, I have said that they will not have these things as a result of their actions tonight.

And yet, I will give them to them. Not because they deserve them, not because I am too leniant with discipline, but, because I love them and because I will choose to bestow grace upon them. And as I was thinking about it, it served a great reminder to me of my blessings from my heavenly father. I have a beautiful home, an adoring husband, two gorgeous girls and some wonderful friends. And, yet none of these things have been achieved through my own merit, or because I deserve them, but, because they are graciously bestowed upon me. I am blessed far beyond what I deserve, quite simply because he loves me.

'He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?' Romans 8:32

'The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.' Numbers 6: 25-26

I am constantly amazed at the things that I am being taught through my children. It reminds me that I am a work in progress, I am not perfect and lest I give off the impression that I have it all together, I don't! Praise God that 'we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.' (Romans 8:28)

Bedhead

2010-07-01T16:38:00.000+01:00

This is what I saw when I picked caitlin up from her nap...

Adventures

2010-07-01T15:19:00.003+01:00

This rarely happens in our household, but right now, both girls are napping at the same time. Maybe it's because Courtney may possibly have 'slapped cheek syndrome', and if that's the case will probably have given the virus to Caitlin by now too. We are not sure if this is the case yet, but she has many of the symptoms and an accompanying fever, so we were told to 'keep an eye on her'. Mothering science tells me to err on the side of caution and say that it is, since she is not at all her usual cheery self. And that, is putting it mildly.

In other news, we went to Courtney's New Nursery meeting last night, which was just so exciting and a little scary too! We got to look around the site (since it will be built during the 6week summer break) and it sounds just wonderful. There will be a huge multi-surface outside learning area, a wetroom and a massive open-plan indoor area that will house both nursery and reception classes. Exciting stuff! It was kinda weird though, since the enw recption teacher, was one of my primary teachers when I was at school! He recognised me instantly and all I could think was 'I'm sure he used to wear that tie when I was in school.' Hah. I'm happy to learn that he will be involved in Courtney's schooling though, since he was one of my very favourite teachers, and always had an enormous amount of patience and enthusiasm with his classes.

Courtney keeps asking me every couple of days if it 'is time to go to my new nursery now?' She is jsut beyond excited to get to go to big nursery and meet new 'little ba-ba's' and has even come around to the idea of wearing uniform too. (Though quite how I will ever find uniform little enough for her, is beyond me!) She gets to meet her new teachers and classmates next Wednesday, so that will be quite the mini adventure for her. She has gotten so grown up recently, and the stuff she comes out with is hilarious. Some examples of typical courtneyisms:

"This is my best pwesent EVER. IN THE WORLD!"

"I'll be retie-yard before I get to go to Butlins ever again!"

"Cait-in didn't want dem anymore. So I ate dem. Okay?!"

"Why won't you let I feed myself Mammy?! You got to feed me you know!" (After I decline her request for a 3rd chocolate bar)

"NOOO Day-tee, snatching is NOT ok!"

Not a day goes by when she doesn't have me cracking-up over something she says. She is ever the dramatic, and I love her!

Caitlin, is following in her footsteps and getting quite the diva now too. We did some more filming for Casualty last week, and she was the second oldest baby in the scene. She seemed to think she was the boss since she had filmed a hundred other times before, and proceeded to strut upto each child and stroke their face. She is most definately not shy! And, at present her favourite thing to say is 'Naaah!' when she doesn't want to eat/walk/get changed, it is hard not to laugh at the expression on her face and the outstretched hand that accompanies the toddler attitude. She is my cwtchy girl though and runs and dives at me for hugs at random points in the day. I should film the sisters in action at one of 'their tea-partys' (which by the way, the girls AND mammy had to wear fancy shoes for, a few days back) it is the cutest and funniest thing I have watched in a long long time. Of course the sweetness is usually short-lived when Caitlin won't give back the fifi teapot to Courtney so she can pour pooh bear more honey, but that is besides the point.

I got to have a little adventure of my own this week, as I got to film 'Sarah Jane Adventures' by myself. It was great fun to do, and the crew were really friendly, but the day did not go without incident. At one point, myself and another guy were chatting in a park, on a bench when an actual rat ran past my feet. To say I freaked out would be an understatement! I calmly walked out and told the director I would need danger money to stay in that particular scene. He laughed and radio-d for the 'rat handler' for the 'stunt rat' to come talk me through the scene. So about two minutes later a guy comes over and gets me back on set after telling me the rat is harmless and fits in with the tone of the scene. It took at least five takes to get the shooting done and then after about twenty minutes of being very much on edge, we cut and I was allowed out. Only to be greeted by the director with 'well done, Nat. We don't source stunt animals for this show, but you were very brave!' Apparently, the 'rat handler' was just an ordinary cameraman. Sometimes, I am too trusting for my own good, guys!

I guess I should go and do something chore-related whilst the girls are asleep since I have probably just bored you all to peices. If you got this far and you are still with me right now- thank you and goodbye! :)

The scene: the girls' bedroom at 6.20am.

2010-06-11T21:44:00.001+01:00

This morning, I heard Courtney saying 'Mammy, Day-tee is upto mystery!' Which roundabout translates to 'Caitlin is upto mischief!' So I sprang outta bed and found this:

Of course like any other good mama, the first thing I did was... to take a picture! Then I stifled my giggle in order to tell them off! I spent all morning Tuesday sorting through those wardrobes and purging outfits that no longer fitted, were stained etc and neatly re-folded everything they contained. Clearly, that was a pointless activity indeed.

By the way, yes, that is a deflated water-wing that Courtney is wearing as a 'crown'. You should also note that Caitlin had a deflated baby boat on her arm in the style of a handbag. Clearly, I do not take my children swimming as often as they would like! The scene really was quite amusing, though. That was, until the reality set in that it would be me clearing up the chaos!

Birthday week

2010-06-05T15:47:00.000+01:00

First of all, welcome June!! I love this month for multiple reasons.
One, because I have just come back from an incredibly indulgent health
spa hotel that was this years birthday gift from my daddy and mam. I
had such a refreshing time and felt brand new, thanks daddy! (you too
mammy for being great company!) plus it was officially the poshest and
plushest hotel I have ever stayed in! Bliss!

Secondly because we have finally had some sunshine! Amen! It has been
so hot that I have had to frighten people with my yucky pale legs,
since it is just way too hot for trousers. Yeah for summer dresses
though! I heart dresses and indluging girlyness. Seriously, what's the
deal with girlies who do not like dresses. I just don't understand
since me and summer dresses are bff's. I am not bff's with swimsuits
though, but that is an entirely different post!

Thirdly, because in 5days I will be 22! Yeah! I never really craved
being 21, but it's been a mostly good year. Yet, I have still had my
bratty moments. I think 22 sounds much more grown up, so maybe I'll
feel like an actual grown up then. Sometimes it feels like I'm just
'playing' at grown ups, ya know?!

However, on a grown up note, June is also the month that I married my
sweetheart! :) it has been four years! Four years! And what a blast
it's been.

June is also a big month for me as I return to work, part time, of
course. It's largely due to the finance thing, but a little for my
sanity too. Sometimes cbeebies makes me want to stamp my feet and
throw a tantrum, especially if I am missing '60 minute makeover' for
'zingzillas'. The hours will be perfect- since daddy will be able to
look after them whilst I'm at work for the majority. PTL! I've always
had it in my head that I would be a stay at home mammy for the reason
that I never really craved a career but I always longed for children.
This is a perfect combination of both!

June also brings us another BBC filming job- on the 18th, I will be
'playing' a nursery nurse and caitlin will be in my onscreen crèche.
Soon we will be best buds with the folks of casualty! Hah! The
assistant director is awesome, and the crew are ace. It will be nice
to revisit.

And that, folks is about it. Happy June to you all!

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Growth

2010-05-25T20:09:00.002+01:00

I've been thinking a lot about 'growing' lately, in lots of different sense of the word. First and foremost, the very real visual that my beautiful children convey to me every day. Courtney is 3years old now - where has that time gone? But, instead of being sad at the fact she's no longer a 'baby' I am relishing this age! We have some hilarious conversations, some very tender conversations and she is a great encourager. She constantly tells me things like 'Don't worry mammy', 'you can do it mammy!' and 'you look stunning mammy.' She is incredibly polite and uses please and thank-you almost all of the time when she should. She is turning into quite the young lady, with manners to match. Yet, today, it still took me aback that when I'd finished fixing her hair and turned her around to check it, she looked like a little girl, her baby face almost completely gone. That is, until she broke into the cutest smile ever. I already feel how big a privillage and a mammouth task it will be to retain whst she already knows- 'that little girls' mouths are for two things- saying nice things and kissing their daddies.'

And my baby, baby- Caitlin, no longer sleeps in a crib! She is fast asleep right now, cwtching 'flopsy' in her very own BED! I caught her last week with one leg over the cot rails, trying to escape, and didn't fancy my chances of her lasting the night without a bump, so we called Daddy to come and take the rails off. She looks so tiny in a big bed all by herself. I guess Courtney agreed, since the first evening that I checked on them, caitlin was curled up next to courtney's legs- both flat out! Courtney thinks it all rather novel at the moment and greets me every morning with 'Mammy, we having a deep-over!' (Since they both share the same room.) And, just yesterday, I had to take Caitlin to get new summer shoes- she's gone up half a size in just about 8weeks. I never really took much notice when people said 'they grow up too quickly', but right about now, I'm feeling that they do! In the best possible way of course!

The shoes are super cute though - white leather with a few gold sequins and some flower motif. If they worked a little kitten heel into them, I might even purchase some for myself. (I am a big fan of white shoes and of 45 degree heel heights, so actually that would be just perfect. Clarks, take note.) I'm not really sure how to justify giving the shoes their own paragraph, but hey, there we go!

My children's growth is evident, in their walking/talking/growing/new shoes, but is my growth just as clear? I am mindful that as my children are growing, I need to grow with them. My attitude and schedules need further flexibility, I need to make allowances for when my children will test the boundaries, and I need to not get hot-headed when they do. I think that children are a great tool for mellowing your personality- I try hard not to 'sweat the small stuff' since my baby girls have given me clearer and more focused perspectives. I am especially hoping that I will have my own 'growth spurt' in coming up with creative things to do this summer - Courtney misses playgroup and her friends from one morning to the next, goodness knows how we'll cope for six long weeks without it! If there are any creative ideas floating around out there, feel free to let me know!

Something wonderful happened today.

2010-05-17T17:32:00.000+01:00

Both of my darling little girls took a nap AT THE SAME TIME!!

I just felt the need to document that, since I don't even believe that
it's true. But, it is. They slept for an entire hour DURING the day.
My children are not great nappers. Don't get me wrong, they're
excellent sleepers at night (7pm - 7am most nights) they just don't
like to nap during the day in case they are missing something uber
exciting like, oh I don't know, the fourth load of laundry, or a tasty
low fat ricecake snack.

There were extenuating circumstances today though, you see, at
approximately 8.12 (just as 'over the rainbow' was starting) last
night, I heard a weird noise, followed by tim yelling 'babe, you need
to get up here!' courtney clearly had a stomach virus, as was
evidenced by the giant mound of laundry, and all night vomit enduced
crying. My poor baby. She is feeling slightly better today but hasn't
eaten or moved from the sofa all day. I am praying for a calm night's
sleep for her (and me!)

Anyway, back to the nap shocker. I guess you're all dying to know what
in the world I did during naptime, right?
Well, I didn't do what I should've done- nap. I ironed two loads of
laundry whilst watching '60 minute makeover'. Why oh why?!

And now, it's 16.27 and I am wondering how I am going to keep my eyes
open until bedtime. Diet coke just ain't cutting it today folks. I am
about ready to feign exhaustion so that I feel justified in buying
full sugar coke. Well, actually, I wouldn't have to feign that much at
all...

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Dinosaurs

2010-04-22T07:52:00.000+01:00

My two beautiful girls have recently each become quite attatched to
some red tacky dinosaur they got in a happy meal sometime last week.
Caitlin keeps hers in the car and asks for it when I strap her into
her carseat, whereas courtney's one stays inside and goes through
periods of being chewed, being lost, being played with, being chewed,
being lost, you get the picture.

Caitlin learnt animal sounds a long while back, one of the first ones
was 'raaaaaa' in response to what does a dinosaur do?

Personally, I blame 'peppa pig', I mean why can't George be obsessed
with ducks, or just something that still exists?! But, my children
love that pig and all of it's weird quirks too.

However, the dinosaur thing must be starting to take it's toll, as I
woke at 4am to a crying and very upset courtney, who was saying
'there's's a dinosaur in my bed!' over and over. I proceeded to show
her that there was no dinosaur in there and that it was just a dream.
She said between sobs 'i don't like that dream!' and at 4am, can't say
I was much of a fan either!

After twenty minutes she lifted her head off the pillow and said 'you
can go now mammy, it's safe in here.' I LOVE that girl.

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Admiration

2010-04-10T20:19:00.000+01:00

I have the fondest love for my grandparents, not an unusual thing in
itself, but the way they conduct themselves, love on people and just
live out life blows me away. They have a beautiful marraige- in over
53 years of wedded bliss, they haven't argued once! My grandad ALWAYS
washes the dishes after a meal, my grandma always cooks good, honest
food. My grandma taught me the art of baking- cakes, pastry, pies,
crumbles and my love for cooking flourished because when I was little,
she always had time to let me 'help' her seive the flour ( even though
most of it ended up going on the kitchen floor!)

I recall everytime I have visited with them, my grandad has sung/
Danced at least one song, if not ten! He knows a song about literally
everything, and I always got (and still get) so much joy hearing him
sing songs from his day- I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, granny
had left me her old armchair, china doll and popo the puppet are just
a few golden favourites. He would make me mixed tapes with silly songs
on as a little girl, and on every single one he recorded a sweet
little message for me. I was always so chuffed to get a new tape and
would drive my mum insane listening to it over and over. He also took
me to an Al Jolson tribute show one night when I was about eleven. We
had such a fun night and the show was so entertaining - even to an
eleven year old. In short, they both always have so much time for me,
make me feel valued and invest so much of themselves into me. And,
that means the world to me.

They also live out their faith vibrantly. They're so gentle but firm,
my grandad is a lay preacher - and I love to hear him speak. In fact,
I'm gonna make a point of going to the next meeting he speaks at. If
there are children present, he will tell stories with meanings, and
has everybody present listening intently. I think that is a talent- to
captivate both young listeners and old, alike, and it has me in awe!
They do not gossip, are kind and patient, committed to their church
and to our Jesus, and make a point of not bad mouthing anyone. In
short, they are what I aspire to be!

I for one, can see their 'lights shining' for everyone to see. They
are impossible to dislike and have a positive effect on me. I look
upto them, I enjoy spending time with them, and I love them!

I am blessed indeed to be in such a wonderful family.

Sent from Nat's iPhone

If I go up a dress size it will be the fault of...

2010-04-05T21:11:00.002+01:00

The Green and Blacks egg my man bought for me

The 24 creme eggs that I will HAVE to eat since no one else in our household cares for them ;)

The 31 Easter treats stacked up against the living room wall.

The dozen sugar donuts my husband bought at special purchase price of £1 (that are now dunked in melted cadburys chocolate and caoted in sprinkles)

The sicilian lemon and white chocolate cupcakes that were too cute not to make.

It's been such a happy easter!! He is risen! I'm forgiven! And He pours out his blessings on me even though it's undeserved. Thank you Jesus!

A welcomed weekend

2010-03-23T09:48:00.000Z

So you may (or may not) have noticed my absence from the bloggy land
for the past couple of months, not that I haven't had things to blog
about, because there has been lots! I just haven't 'felt' like
blogging, it's been like a bit of a dark cloud has been hanging right
over me, and this weekend I think I finally shook it! PTL!

Saturday started out with some shopping with my mam, we had a blast
picking out new furniture and furnishings at next, and I am SO excited
to redecorate the girls' room! It's time we moved from baby pink
nursery to gorgeously pretty little girls room. We found some lovely
quilt sets and co-ordinating curtains, it's going to look awesome, I'm
so excited for them!

Whilst we were shopping, I gotta glimpse at the 'terrible twos' phase
everyone keeps talking about- I was trying on some lace number and my
usually placid nearly three year old had a complete meltdown!
Apparently new look is a 'boring' shop... Hello? They have shoes in
almost every shade and hue and enough nautical ensembles to dress the
royal navy! She was not digging it at all and tantrumed good and
proper. Then she picked herself up, and we got on with the shopping.
It was fine though, I mean, I didn't really wanna spend that much on a
lace dress anyhow, ya know.

Then we came home and I sorted out my roots- finally! Blonde is hard,
hard work! Let it not be said that I am not committed, being this
light for this long= commitment! And, whilst we're on the hair thing,
I'm going to see the wizard this week and am debating whether to let
her actually cut a shorter style. But, I don't know whether I could
deal with the limitations of it- sometimes I need some curl in it,
sometimes I like to muss it up and backcomb it and sometimes I like to
do nothing with it. Short hair would mean same style, everyday. Hmm,
what do ya reckon?

Also, since this is already turning into a hair blog-

When we collected courtney from playgroup yesterday, another mammy
was telling us how bridgette ( courtney's little friend) would not put
her shoes on for playgroup until she has her hair done 'like
courtney's hair'. How sweet is that! Bridgette usually has tight
blonde curls and yesterday she had straight little bunches a la
courtney stylee! Haha I love their cuteness!

Saturday evening, Tim took me out for dinner to the oriental gardens.
The food there never disappoints folks, it was delicious! Then, we
parked the car at home and walked up to where my schoolfriend Sammi
and her fiancé were holding their engagement party. They are such a
cute couple and Sammi was wearing the cutest dress, she also
completely stole the show with her karaoke numbers. It was a great
night and we had a blast.

Sunday, we did church and took the girls to feed the ducks at the
lake. Courtney took her 'peppa pig' trike, which of course she thought
was the best thing in the world! Caitlin pointed out the ducks and
quacked back at them, was very cute!

Then Sunday night we cwtched down to watch episode 10 of 'larkrise to
candleford' I cannot believe this season is almost over! 7 months of
filming nearly all aired! I will be quite sad to not be able to watch
the soft Amber glow of larkrise's village. By the way, there was
totally on
On-screen kiss this week- a major thing for a period drama! So there
are only two more episodes left to view, our beautiful little girl
looks so adorable in her costume and was so well behaved during
filming. She even cried at the right times (as seen on this weeks
episode!) it will be such an awesome thing to tell her about when she
gets older.

I think that's about all bases covered from this weekend. I am SO
looking forward to Easter now, it's always good to re-group and re-
focus and I feel like I really need that right now.

Have a good week everybody!

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Becoming 'twee'

2010-03-09T13:20:00.003Z

Okay, so rewind to about 5years ago and I was a fashionista working in a high street store, where I got fabulous discount and wore fabulous clothes. They may aswell have paid me in clothes and shoes since I ploughed my wages back into the store's profits anyhow. I wore nail extensions and was pretty much passionate about having matching accessories. Any spare time I had (that wasn't spent shopping or socialising) I pored over cosmopolitan and browsed online shoe stores. It almost defined me, I was known as 'stiletto queen' or 'the girl in the 60's dresses'. And I would've laughed at anyone who'd say I would be any differnt in five or six years from then.

And, here we are at 22, Jimmy Choo's and Radley bags stored in my wardrobe. And cocktail rings in many shades and hues. Eyelash extensions replace the acrylic nails and a husband who funds it all. I told you, I wouldn't change...

And yet, I have. Instead of 'cosmopolitan' my diet coke moments are spent reading 'Ideal home' and 'Your home' magazines. Or flicking through yet another recipe book. Instead of going shopping all of the time for clothes, I'm constantly checking out vintage websites and wondering if I can justify that Laura Ashley tea-set. I mean, I don't even drink tea, but for some reason, it has become a longing of mine to own my own teaset. I am waiting for the day when we can afford to buy the ornate french designed bedroom furniture so that I can creat a dusky pink and gold haven. I am also, more often than not daydreaming about the house we will one day purchase. Not so long ago, I would've picked one within walking distance of a classy bar or shopping complex, and now? Now, I have changed my requirements to high ceilings, window shutters and somewhere where I do not have to hear about five sirens screeching past per night. In short, somewhere restful. This world is always so busy and sometimes, just sometimes, I want to escape it all.

There's another worrying lust-have that I am secretly looking at on Amazon that just proves I'm going kinda quaint (or crazy)- a breadmaker. Ah, that's not so bad, right? Except that it is because my breadmaker HAS to have a jam-making facility too, since in my crazy little head, home-made jam will just look splendid on my breakfast table each morning. Which definately is crazytalk, I'm lucky if I get to pour myself a glass of juice in the mornings; before the girl's ask me for incredibly nutritious breakfasts of nutella sandwiches, much less have time to decant orange juice into a crystal jug that will match my jamjars.

My intentions are good though, like the time I decided to make some fresh gingerbread men with the girl's for daddy. We made a big batch of dough that in my head would've made enough servings for the girls' (and daddy!) to snack on for the rest of the week. I figured some good honest gingerbread would be a tiny bit better for them than jaffa cakes, so we got flour everywhere and baked gigngerbread men with missing limbs all in the name of health. Except, that when they turned out really great, we ended up devouring the whole batch (aside from 2 almost burnt ones) before Daddy got a look in.

Still, the floury aprons looked great in the new wicker laundry basket I'd just purchased. And, not only did I purchase it, but I squealed with joy when I actually found the vintage one I'd been looking for. I know what you're thinking round about now, that I need to get out more, right? But, somedays I'm just too happy mulling around in my home that going out doesn't even enter my mind. I'm all but a hop, skip and jump away from knitting socks, and quite frankly it is a little unnerving!

Still, I think some aspects of 'twee' should definately make a comeback. I mean, really, who gets the same satisfaction from a facebook post as you would from a hand-penned note? It is a different league entirely, I am a words person and there is nothing more I love to see in my morning mail than an envelope that has been handwritten. I am even contemplating taking a hiatus from facebook and twitter for a while...See, there I go again!

Larkrise to candleford

2010-01-31T22:17:00.000Z

Last Sunday night, caitlin made her tv debut to 'larkrise to
candleford' in bbc1. She arrived sleeping in a basket and is baby
patience- sister to Alf, sally, archie and lizzie. She was SO
incredibly cute on screen, and behaved exactly how the directors and
producers wanted her to- a natural! She cried at sad times and stroked
her big brothers face at cozy times.

She was on again this evening, and got a lullabye sung specifically to
her. Actual cuteness! Though tonight one of soblings died from
measles!! Even though the children in the series are so young, they
show so much talent and potential, i was floored by the final scenes
Harry performed! Amazing!

Caitlin, we are bursting with pride and love for you! You are
beautiful and well behaved onscreen and off! I am so excited to show
you these pictures and recordings when you are old enough to
understand! This has been a precious memory for me- to work WITH you
for six months.

Woohoo! Here's to next week's episode!

Shows no sign of stopping...

2010-01-12T19:52:00.000Z

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

We have had ice, snow and sleet for almost two whole weeks now. And, I
have to say that we have all had a tonne of fun with it. We built
snowmen/ladies, had snowball fights, stomped all over fresh snow and
even had to abandon the car on the way home from a shopping trip
because it got so dangerous to keep going- a public bus lost control
and bashed into a house just a few meters away from our car- no one
got hurt PTL. It took 20minutes to walk home through the blizzard
though, Caitlin was cozied up in her stroller and a million blankets,
and Courtney was a trooper! And only started to cry from the cold
after ten minutes. It was rough- we were cold, tired, soaked through
and snappy. But, once we thawed by the fire, we were all fine.

That said, I am totally over the snow hype now! I'm getting cabin
fever from staying at home, and my freezer is practically empty. That
said, I have never been so efficient with our laundry as I am at
present. The house smells like lavender and I congratulate myself
everytime I walk past the empty washing basket!! :) but, I am upset
that the weather (which is forecasted to continue snowing for the next
20hours!!) may prevent me from going shopping tomorrow, not just
because I have no clue what to make from dinner from now onwards, but
also because boots sale gets slashed to 75% off tomorrow and I really
wanna go!!! It was super sucessful last year, I made headway with the
Christmas shopping and saved a heap, I had hoped I could do likewise
tomorrow, but, we shall have to see.

Anyways, here are some snow pictures of our creative snowpeople! What
is everyone else feeling for the snow? Am I the only one tired of it?

It's almost a wrap!

2009-12-06T22:57:00.000Z

Well, I know I've been selfishly quiet on the bloggy front, but I
assure you I've been reading all of your posts, even if I haven't
always commented. Jen- send some snow our way!!

Anyway, we've been really busy at the smith household. We've decorated
the house for Christmas. I finally got my sideboard and rug (after
wanting them for like two years!) and the tree is beautiful as ever. I
LOVE this time of year. Love, love, love it! And is it just me, or
does the coke advert leave you feeling all fuzzy too?! Anyway, kinda
sidetracked there a little! We've also been filming lots and doing a
lot of Christmas gift-purchasing! I am psyched to spend a few hours in
front of the tree wrapping them with ribbons and feathers and baubles,
Christmas music floating in the background, the smell of gingerbread
and chutney lingering and a few Christmas candles lit. I have hopes of
this Friday, as my parents are taking the girls to 'thomas the tank
engine land' at drayton manor. I have calculated that I will have
approx. 8 hours to myself that day. Yeah! Time enough to transform
into nigella!

Ooo festive food gets me all excited! Don't even get me started on the
turkey debate that my husband and I have been re-visiting all month.
Okay, well since I started I might as well fill you in...

We have Christmas dinner at ours and then visit with my parents
Christmas evening. This means I get to be all OCD about the whole
spectacular dining bit. Table settings, charger plates, starters, the
main event and dessert. Great. However, this year I have indulged
myself with too many alternative roast choices. Don't you think
turkeys kinda dry? I spotted an awesome recipe for lamb with honeyed
blackberries- purple festiveness on a plate. My husband is having none
of it and is insisting on traditional turkey. His reasons are
threefold: Christmas turkey curry, Christmas turkey and bacon
carbonara and cold turkey with cranberry. Note that he is not actually
bothered about the actual Christmas dinner! I, on the other hand, am.
Hmm, we shall see, though as long as I can have honey and mustard
carrots and parsnips I shall be quite content.

I'm starting to think I should've titled this post 'the great turkey
debate' or 'festive food: part 1'.

Anyways, I'm a little sad because we are coming to the end of the
series of 'larkrise to candleford', after filming next Saturday, we'll
get 'wrapped' for good and filming will stop, until they get
commissioned for another series next winter. I'm going to miss those
larkrisers! Such a great cast and crew, and some awesome talent too.
It's been such a blast for me to observe them all interact with
Caitlin- she gets called 'the baby that doesn't cry on set',
'favourite baby', 'hero baby', 'baby patience' and sometimes
'caitlin'- original huh? ;)

We were filming outdoors yesterday, and it was so cold that an elderly
lady who was playing an extra villager got taken to hospital with
hyperthermia. Caitlin's lips were going blue, so they wrapped us
pretty quickly to warm her up. When we arrived at the studio today,
costume department had made little fleece pockets for her legs
cleverly disguised in a period shawl. Such a neat idea! Caitlin loved
being all toasty today. She even got upgraded from trailer to the
green room. So much more room for her to run around, we turned it into
a fun little crèche and baby Annie ( another baby from the show) came
to play too.

I'm falling asleep now, as im sure ypu are too after reading all of
this, so I'll leave you with a picture of Caitlin (baby patience) and
fin (baby Annie) conspiring in the green room earlier today!

Loving one another.

2009-11-12T18:09:00.002Z

Sometimes, I struggle at this. Sometimes, being a lot of the time. It sounds really easy, but it's actually the opposite.

The best definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8...

'Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irrutable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever.'

It's easy to love people who treat you right, it's easy to love people when they are in 'good' places and it's very easy to love people who are like-minded to you, but what about the rest? What about the people who hurt you? Or, the people in dark places? Or the people who make bad choices? How much do we even try to love the people who we think aren't that good?

You see, I have been a by-stander of poor-choices, and even made some myself. I have literally seen/heard/watched many of my friends go to dark places as a direct consequence for the choice that they made. And, on the other hand, there are friends that I care about who continually make bad choices, and because they have come to no harm, continue to do so. It breaks my heart. Literally.

It may seem like I'm trying to preach here, but I'm not. I am just so broken for the people in my life who think that their path is the right one. And, it's not because I don't understand, and it's not because I'm a 'good' person, because even though I'd like to think that I am, the truth is, I'm just not!

'No one is good- not even one.' Romans 3:10

''For all have sinned;' Romans 3:23

I just ache at the fact that some of the people I had faith in, and loved within my circle of friends at school have grown up to be people that I barely recognise. People living and trying to deal with hurt, bad situations and poor choices. And, as I was led in bed thinking about it 'til the early hours this morning, I couldn't understand why. What was so different about me? Why was I among the few that didn't fall into the traps that snared the others? What set me apart and protected me? And, of course the answer was, God. I am the only one following Jesus.

'And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.' Romans 8:28

That, is the only reason I am at the place that I am. That is the only plausible explanation for having my dreams materialize in all it's splendour. I do not deserve to be where I am, but everything has been woven together to work for good, because I made at least one very good choice- to love God.

And, if loving God means obeying his commands then clearly, one of the most important ones are to be adheered to:

'I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other.' John 13: 34

And, that's where I'm at right now. I need to love the friends who hurt me and make bad choices, I need to love the people in ugly places and I need to love them constantly and whoelheartedly:

'clothe yourselves with tender-hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. You must make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive the person who offends you.' Colossians 3:12-13

Not easy, but necessary. My friends need to be shown real love. The one that always hopes, always perseveres and lasts forever. And, it is my prayer that one day they would feel and recieve it.

It has been way WAY too long since I have posted properly...

2009-11-10T21:10:00.003Z

... and I am totally shifting the blame onto my Iphone. I love it and everything, but it did not even post my last entry properly, there were supposed to be more pictures and like three whole paragraphs, but hey short and sweet will do.

I finally had the patience to wait for our REALLY slow computor to load up and do an actual update. And, once I finish (and stop wasting time longingly browsing the yankee candle online store, and facebook-ing) I am going to stop by all your blogs too. Tim is out playing snooker with his butty, so I am good to indulge my spare time on here for at least the next hour or so. I have no idea where to begin, so how bout a list...

1. Okay so, firstly, lets catch up on the filming work. We are still being called to 'Larkrise' and are going again this Friday. I just LOVE my job. I mean, seriously everyone is super nice and Caitlin has a blast. Also, how many Mums are blessed enough to have a job where they can take their children along and spend all day with them?! Can I get an Amen! We also, recently did 'Casualty' - which was fun but hard! We were filming in the actual real-working hospital and not on set, so I had to try and keep Caitlin super quiet and not let her race around the hospital corridors - a major task in itself, trust me! Then, they were running about two hours behind schedule and so we were wrapped and sent home before even recording our scene. I was gutted about this because, a) I was going to be in the shot- I haven't been on TV since I was like 15, so I was psyched a little bit; and b) I had to wear a terrible bleached 90's denim jacket all day specifically for the time period I would be playing. It was awful. Sooooo not a good look, but I am a good sport and didn't complain. Much. Hah!

2. Okay, next major thing. I, in my frugal-minded wisdom actually agreed to let Tim have a motorbike for his joint 'christmas/birthday' gifts for the next fifty years. hah. It would mean less mileage on my car, less fuel consumption, less tax and insurance for him to drive, since he doesn't hold a full driving license, etc etc etc. I did not think about either how safe it would be to drive back and forth work during the winter, or about how much all the kit actually would set us back. The helmet alone has cost £80, then there's the jacket, gloves, trousers, boots etc. But, my husband is very happy indeed about the whole thing. So, that is that! He get's his shiny red bike in just 8days and he is beyond excited- Happy birthday honey! (And christmas, and easter, and valentine's day and anniversary....hehe)

3. Caitlin also turned one at the beginning of october, and I have yet to publish her '1st birthday' letter. But, all in good time, I promise! She is so adorable in everything she does, even the mischievios smile she flashes when trying to unplug the TV- in the middle of 60minute makeover of all things! Seriously though, she is super fast at walking and is into anything and everything before I even know she has moved. She is so Eager to learn and copy her big sister. Look out for a backdated entry with loads more detai soon!

4. On a completely fickle note, I have to confess to my new addicition. It is completely shallow and mostly selfish too. But, I am hooked. It is also very un-frugal. Eyelash extensions. I have a serious complex abaout my eyes, but these tiny lengths of synthetic lashes help a whole lot. I have spent far too much on them...but, there's no price on self worth...right?

5. I am loving this cold weather! Cute hats, leather gloves and black leather boots make me very very happy. Plus, welcome back jumpers and cardigans. I have been waiting a long time for arm cover-ups to be in fashion! woo! And, whilst we are talking fashion, I am loving the whole leggings look. With boots. Gotta have the boots. Though, I am debating getting some of those super cute but unpractical shoe-boots...

6. Also, I had agreed to go to the rugby match with Tim this friday at Cardiff, BUT, I am feeling some kind of throat infection coming on, and I am just feeling yucky. I would not be good company in a cold and crowded stadium. Trying to understand what would be going on with a game I should, but don't, know the rules of. And, since I have to travel upto Bath with Caitlin that day, if we hit traffic, I just would not make it back in time. So, the boy is going without me and taking a mate along instead. I'm kinda pleased it worked out this way, but a little sad, since I have lived in Wales literally all of my life and have never ever once sat thorugh a whole match in my living room, much less experienced the electric atmosphere at the stadium :( But, there will be other games... and, I'm kinda counting on them to bring out a more flattering rugby top for women to wear whilst watching, by then... I'm thinking long jersy to go with the leggings look this season, or slightly more fitted to wear classicly with jeans, ya know?!

7. My Mum and I have our yearly shopping trip to birmingham Bullring booked. I cannot tell you how excited I am about that, for lots of reasons. Firstly, Major shopping - selfridges alone makes me want to squeal. Oooo and the debenhams 'christmas shop' and Santa and twinkly lights! Secondly- shopping minus a pushchair and baby girls! Thirdly- Chardonnay with Lunch, and dinner! and Fourthly- Mother and daughter time. 18 days and counting!

8. And, since I don't like odd numbers on lists, there are just 44sleeps, 2 hours and 9minutes 30seconds until Christmas Day! Like, I am major excited about Christmas!! 44 sleeps, people, 44 sleeps!

Firework night!

2009-11-07T08:36:00.000Z

This year was the first time we took courtney to a big firework
display...

explaining.

2009-09-29T20:56:00.003+01:00

Okay, so welcome you honoured lot- you are the only people on the entire interweb who can read my musings. This is a little sad to me since I have made some nice 'bloggy buddies' along the way, but I cannot be doing with the bitterness and down-right ill-manners of the person(s) who left me annonymous comments. Cowardly would be an understatement. This is also the reason, my patches of my quilt post has been deleted. Normally I do not really take on other's peole's self-natured opinions, but I was so mad that I just clicked delete without really thinking too much about it. Maybe I will do that another time.

But, enough about all that, more important things to blog! Such as my big girl's first day at nursery- or playgroup as it is formally known to anyone above the age of 2yrs old :)

As you recall, I was on set with Caitlin for her very first morning there, So, my mam took her and all was well. Courtney had an absolutely lovely time and has been asking me practically every morning if she can 'go nursery NOW?' Though I should mention that the excitement in her eyes and her beautiful smile almost make me take her everytime she requests it. Too sweet.

And, in other news, my baby girl is one in just one week's time! I am just a little bit sad to be out of the 'baby stage' but so, so thrilled at the little character I see forming each and every day. I really think that she gets cuter by the hour too. At the moment, she is trying to master singing the peppa pig theme tune, but only gets as far as 'PEH' but she knows the timing, so we are making headway! hehe. I am currently sat here with like three lists in front of me, we are having a party for her on Saturday and so I have my 'planning head' on, and I am trying so so hard to be organised! Hopefully I will get to buy the majority of the food tomorrow so that there will be a little less to worry about on the weekend. Which is going to be busy enough anyhow, because we are viewing another property. It is literally the next street down from us and get this, my Grandparents would be living right next door to us! How awesome would that be! But, we are leaving it in God's hands and what will be, will be.

so, I'll leave you with a picture of my soon-to-be-one-year-old....

This adorable little girl...

2009-09-22T20:55:00.000+01:00

... Starts playgroup tomorrow! She will be dropped off at 9.15 and
collected at 11.45. Two and a half hours in the care of three ladies
whom I barely know. Playing with children she does not know yet. In
unfamiliar surroundings. The controlling side of me is skitting out a
bit, but I am excited at the prospect of new friends for both her and
me!

On the other hand, my girl is beside herself with excitement. She
totally ran off and left me as soon as we got through the door on our
'visit morning'. And played with everything in sight. She is going to
have an absolute blast. And I'm almost sure that there will not be a
single tear shed. At least not from her!

However, caitlin is filming in bath tomorrow and so I'll be
chaperoning her. Therefore, I will have to leave home before courtney
leaves for playgroup. It is pulling at my heart strings a little bit!
Mum is stepping in to take her to playgroup for the very first time,
it should be me, but she really is the next best thing! Courtney has
packed her bag and is ready for nanny to take her to nursery in the
morning.

Ooo. She is getting to be such a big girl, and she's lovelier by the
day!

2009-09-02T10:55:00.000+01:00

As I type this, caitlin is sat on the floor amidst a LOT of duplo. She
is actually squealing ' da, ta, ta, ta, ta' at Eamon holmes on 'this
morning'. Her legs are a-kicking, her hands are shaking with
excitement and her eyes are wide with wonder, you'd think it's
Christmas not the return of the programme 'This morning!'

I love how absolutely everything is new and exciting in thier world!

Like the exclaim courtney gave at snack-time: ' hooray! Mammy got
cream biscuits! Ta mammy!!'

May I always remember the example they are setting- to find great joy
in the simplest things.

Our break-away by the Sea.

2009-08-31T16:05:00.004+01:00

We're back from our break-away by the sea, and I'm just about caught up on laundry. We had such a great time, absorbing the relaxed, slow-paced feeling and complete lack of routine and schedules. The sun shone, we built sandcastles and collected pebbles, we visited the zoo, we ate a LOT of junk :) and enjoyed each other immensely. In fact, we had such a good time that we stayed an extra night. That was such a blessing in itself to make something great last even longer. We were even offered a heavily discounted rate to stay friday night too, but Tim had arranged to go out for an all-expenses paid, Italian meal with his colleagues. He offered to forgoe it, but I knew he was totally psyched to eat there so I made the decision to head home around lunchtime on Friday.

It was going all to plan- we stopped off at McDonald's and got the girls a happy meal, so that they would be fed and watered and hopefully sleep the entire 2 hour journey home. And, I guess we would've been okay, had we not ground to a complete standstill at Junction 25 on the M5 motorway. After being there about an hour or so, we turned on the radio, only to hear the traffic reporter say that we could be stuck there until early hours Saturday morning. We had no clue what had happened but clearly it was something serious! About two hours later, a lorry driver passed us and said that a guy was trying to jump off the 300ft bridge ahead. The police were alerted to the vulnerable guy at 1 'o' clock and at 6pm we were still stuck there.

I had no formula for Caitlin, no juice or anything, since I figured she could make the 2 hour journey and then eat when we got back. Luckily, I'd had the sense to buy 2bananas and some fruit shoots in case the girls needed a snack en route. They got eaten within the first hour or so...

Tim got out to search the boot of the car since we'd had a picnic at the zoo the previous day, he found ONE packet of Quavers, two small bags of animal biscuits and a fruit shoot and a can of diet coke. I kinda looked at the rations and laughed. How on earthe was that going to keep two agitated and hungry babies satisfied until maybe the early hours of Saturday morning? It jsut wasn't going to work! We broke the crisps into teeny tiny pieces and fed the girls some and rationed their juices to like two sips at a time. I am so glad that they are both fans of soothers and books - they were a great distraction from the boredom and hunger pangs! Caitlin drank the one bottle I had prepared and then grizzled for a while...

At 6.30, Tim had to cancel his meal arrangements for that evening, he was gutted and more than a little annoyed at missing out, and I felt bad that we hadn't left sooner and avoided all of this! Then, the girls needed changing, so Tim got out and passed them over to me in turn and we pulled out their pyjama's from the case and got them sorted for a night sleeping in the car. All things considered, they did really good. They grizzled for a bit and I was fretting that I was starving them, but by 9 they were both sleeping in their car-seats.

At this point, I was really needing the toilet, but the services were like 2 whole junctions away and we hadn't even made it to the first one. Considering I had a terrible time with both labours with the girls, my pelvic floors are pretty flippin' good if I do say so myself. I was under no circumstances ready to go toilet in a field with a kazillion cars around me, it just was not going to happen. So hubby and I played a few word association games til I could no longer concentrate. We tried calling the police to see what was going to be done to assist people like us (with young children) but only got an automated service. Tim tried to get me to drive down the hard shoulder, but jsut as I was giving my argument for not doing so, a copper drove apst and booked 12 cars who were blocking it up. Each car got three points on their license and a £500 fine. Boy was I glad that I did not listen to my hubby...for that one time at least!

Anyway, the road finally got cleared at 10 'o' clock in the night. The poor guy had jumped and died. It was so sad, he was fifty years old and probably left behind a family. Such a terrible thing, this is the fourth suicide that I have ehard of this month, it must be awful to feel so desperate.

So, we finally arrived home at 11.30 , tired and wired and very hungry, but safe and sound. We put the girls straight to bed and we followed suit. We all woke at ten the following day! It was exhausting!

And, eveer since, I have had a terribly achey back. It seems to get better for a while then come back with a vengence, still, I guess sitting in a car for eleven hours will do that to you, especially if your spine has been weakened with spinal blocks and the such. Still, it did not stop us having a whole tonne of fun on saturday night with our friends. Can I just say that I have not laughed that hard in AGES! It was a blast!

Sunday was tiring too - we did church in the morning, had lunch at Tim's parent's and then I took some really strong painkillers to block the pain in my back and hip. By 3, I felt really drowsy and a little drunk. I was so spaced that I went to bed at five and didn't wake til 10! but I obviously needed time to rest up, 'cause I went straight back to sleep aferwards!

Today's been kinda strange, hubby has given me the day off to rest and recover, which has been lovely since I haven't had to do anything at all. But, it's kinda weird to sit on the sideline when you have children. I was really frustrated at not being able to pick them up or play on the floor with them, and I am praying that the pain will be a LOT better by tomorrow and GONE by Wednesday (when hubs goes back to work) Other than that though, we are all fine and dandy!

I'll leave you with some of the photo highlights of our week:

Caitlin enjoying Gandma's home-made pasty (It was yummy by the way!)

Me and The princess sunning it up on the beach

awesome view

HH looking yummy

The greedy goats aqt the zoo who stole our marshmallows :(

The crocodiles from the croc-swamp. It thundered and lightened in there... I was a lil' scared!

Lists

2009-08-23T21:33:00.001+01:00

I used to be super organized, I knew the date of everyone's birthdays,
I had lists of chores and errands that were in order of priority, my
wardrobe was colour coded and every pair of shoes lived in a shoebox
with the shoe name or description labelled on the front.

Then I fell pregnant with our little princess no.1, and got 'baby
brain'. I forgot things, I locked my keys onside of my car and forgot
to buy parking tickets twice. Things didn't normalise after I gave
birth and I definately think that I have worsened since caitlin came
along too! Therefore I have come to terms with the fact that my memory
and organisational skills did not come out of thus unscathed.

And so I write lists. Lots and lots of lists. I sometimes even have a
list for my lists. Hah yet I'm still not really organised!

So, since we're going away on Tuesday for a few days, I have been a-
listing all night, and I am still bound to forget something or other!
So I have my chore list tomorrow for the things I need to do before we
leave:

-valet the car

-iron the clothes we wish to take

-clean the bathroom

-launder the bedding

-pack our cases

-get the small stroller down from the attic

- go to the bank

-pick up a few things from town

-return the girl's library books

Phew! It will be quite the busy day...

Sent from Nat's iPhone

Another day, another baby girl with a fever.

2009-08-20T15:46:00.001+01:00

Ugh, it is only Thursday and so far this week, courtney got sick and
threw up in asda- everywhere, ran a temperature of just under 38 and
has insisted on waking up at 6am every morning, napping late afternoon
and keeping caitlin awake til eight thirty playing peek-a-boo...

Just as normality starts to return, I have to start administering
calpol AGAIN! But to caitlin this time! Still, other than the rosy
cheeks and the occasional grizzle she's been pretty happy...